child with BPD , mom lost

[Las]

I'm a mom of a daughter with BPH. She sleeps to escape her depression. She doesn't want to do or go anywhere. She feels completely hopeless that nothing will get better and seems to have given up. She has been in a hospital 4 times in a year and a half. She spent 2 months in residence. We even did ketamine infusions. There has been no change in her mood. She shuts down when you ask a question about feelings and emotions. She has gone to the same therapist for over a year. They have a great relationship because they have similar interests. But she won't open up to her. about things that bother her. I don't know how to help her or what to do next.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Las

I would like to welcome you to bpdfamily Son/Daughter board

 

I am so sorry to hear of the problems that you are having with your daughter, may I ask how old she is?

I remember having a similar problem with my son when he was in his early teens, he used to shut down and wouldn’t tell me what was bothering him, even though I could see quite plainly that something was bothering him. It was such hard work, I remember sitting on his bed trying to gently coax something out of him but he always clammed up. I understand how helpless it can make you feel, especially when all you want to do is just help them. It is difficult and sadly no one can force her to open up.

I would suggest keep giving her your support, tell her that you love her and that you will always be there for her x 

[Las]

Hi Feeling Better, thank you for your response. My daughter is 17. Today she doesn't even want to get dressed. Honestly, I am considering looking into hypnosis to see if that would help her open up. This is so heart breaking.

[Feeling Better]

Hi Las

I understand why you would want to look into hypnosis to see whether that would help, but what do you think the likelihood of your daughter agreeing to that would be? 

[Feeling Better]

This is the reply that Las wanted to post, she sent it to me in a private message and I have her permission to copy it here:

That's the main issue, I'm not sure she would agree to being hypnotized. I had her try brain spotting. It made her so anxious, the therapist was unable to work with her. I'm willing to try anything to help her. I don't know what will motivate her to participate in treatment.

[Daisy123]

Hello Las,

Welcome to bpdfamily. I can hear your frustration and your concern. Your daughter is 17? Is she making her way to school?

My DD20 has hidden in her room, uses pot and sleeps a good deal of the day away. We have tried a number of meds, IOPs, PHPs and residentials and still this disease seems to have quite the grip on her. She is currently in her third residential. She's taking baby steps towards some form of recovery.

It's hard watching our loved ones isolate. I am constantly battling feelings of being lost and helpless... .And then I make my way here.
 
I've learned a great deal from this site and have gotten so much support/insight from members. The tools on the righthand side of the window are incredibly helpful. Have you begun to read about BPD? There's a section on this site that has great recommendations of titles regarding BPD.

As for her therapist, my dd had a similar issue of not opening up. She was afraid of making her therapist angry or upset. The 3 of us had to have a session together to help DD overcome this fear. We all have an agreement that I can speak with DD's therapist and let her know of any crisis that occurs. This is a bit tricky because I have to be careful so as not to make my DD feel as if I am telling on her. I let my DD know that I am concerned for her safety so that is why I contact therapist.

I hope that the hypnosis helps. Please take care of yourself, too. This illness takes such a toll on not only our loved ones with BPD, but us, too.

Daisy123

[Las]

Hi Daisy,
Thank you for your reply. As for school, she missed the first semester of her junior year due to residential placement. She failed two classes second semester. This year should be her senior year. But, right now, there is no way she can return to public school. We did get an IEP last semester. I don't think that will be enough. I think she needs a therapeutic school or to return to residential.
Thank you for your support. I'm loving this site and all the information I am learning.
LAS