really really made me feel that there is something wrong with me and why i cant keep relationships whether friends or lovers.
CryWolf,
im here to tell you, it is highly unlikely that there is something fundamental about you, some broken thing, some "wrong" thing with you that makes you unloveable, undesirable, or causes people to cut you off. i remember having similar thoughts for a lot of my life. simultaneously, i thought "if im so great, why does everyone reject me".
these beliefs may be poor self image and low self esteem talking.
so, asking "whats wrong with me" isnt really going to get you anywhere other than pursuing people in hopes they will accept and validate you, and then, if faced with rejection by them, feeling the double whammy of believing youre a fundamentally rejectable person, almost like theres a target on your head. youre not. there isnt.
but that doesnt mean there arent some things to learn, some skills to develop, some new ways of thinking and interacting with people. not to be a different person. on the contrary, to get in touch with who CryWolf really, truly, authentically is. when low self esteem and insecurity rule our lives, we really arent living as that person, we tend to navigate through life with a whole host of dysfunctional coping mechanisms to try to avoid them, and only end up reinforcing them.
a member used this analogy once: if you were learning to play golf, and you took lessons, and your instructor told you that you needed to work on your grip and your backswing, you probably wouldnt respond "im a failure, im a bad/flawed person, and i will never be any good", right? it would just stand to reason that you needed to learn and practice the game. but with low self esteem and poor self image, insecurities, abandonment fears/wounds, one tends to believe deep down that no matter what they do, it will never be enough. its flawed, counterproductive thinking. you can improve your grip and your backswing, and be the player you were meant to be.
i liken it to "bad manners". i can meet a person, we can like each other a lot and hit it off. then lets say they invite me to dinner, and i come over, and i slurp a lot. i talk with food in my mouth. i eat with my hands. they might not have me over for dinner again, right? but thats not because im some bad, deeply flawed, unloveable person. i just have some bad manners to unlearn.
i was a really obsessive guy as a teenager. if a girl paid me the slightest bit of attention, id ruminate about her for 24 hours a day, and invent a relationship with her in my head. you should see my journals from the time, its insane. i cringe thinking about my interactions with girls back then even 15 years later. inevitably, i would waaaay over pursue, and then not understand why i was rejected. its not because deep down i was unloveable or not good enough. i just had some "bad manners" to unlearn. im still fundamentally the same guy, with the same heart, and i can still be fairly obsessive and prone to worry. i just have "better manners", and a bit different worldview.
people like CryWolf. chicks dig CryWolf. its all within your power. youll get there.
