realizing mom and brother may have BPD, and freaking out a little

[wakingfirst]

Hi All,
I'm back to this site after a few years' absence.  I'm wondering if any of my story rings bells for any of you?
I came to BPD Family because of an ex/good friend who has the disorder.  I tried to support him, but it didn't work out; we're NC.  I have no regrets.  I feel sad for my ex but there's nothing more I can do.
I got into therapy two years ago, for anxiety.  The therapy soon focused on my mom and brother (I only have one sibling, and my dad wasn't around much when i was growing up - so it was the three of us).  I'm in contact with both but the relationships are really painful and stressful for me.
A couple of months ago, during a difficult conversation with my mom, I had this sudden light bulb moment: "I think my mom and brother have BPD." That felt like an overwhelming thought, so I let it go.  But it kept coming back.  I know a fair amount about BPD because of my ex, and all at once I could see how dynamics in my family fit what I know about BPD.  I started thinking about this more and more and finally I said it to my therapist.  She surprised me by agreeing.  She said, "I think that's a distinct possibility."
I freaked!  Here my therapist was totally validating what I'd noticed and felt, but instead of feeling good I felt raw, upset, scared.  It felt too BIG, you know? 
And then I became aware of a lot of anger I'm carrying toward my mom and brother.  I didn't know it was there, though it was making me anxious and ill.  But now that I know about it I don't really know what to do with it.  (The therapist is helping.)
The only thing I'm feeling better about is my ex.  I know now why I hung in there with him for so long.  I wasn't crazy.  I was conditioned!  The way he loved me felt so familiar to me, and of course it was. So I've been able to forgive myself for that.
The rest... .I'm sort of in shock.  Lots of thoughts and memories surfacing.  Weird to be re-evaluating so much at the age of 51.
Can anyone relate?

[zachira]

Oh yes, can I ever relate not that my situation is the same as yours though I think
quite similar. I realized in November 2017 that my mother has full blown BPD and my living brother and sister have strong BPD traits. I went through many months of living in shock and deep pain, yet by facing this I have come out on the other side and am happier than I have ever been. Take the time to grieve and process how this has affected your life. Know that we are here to support and listed to you. Keep us posted on how you are doing and let us know what you need.

[Learning2Thrive]

  welcome back wakingfirst

Let me join zachira in saying that I can relate.   I am 53 and began my awakening process just about 5 years ago, so I would say you are quite normal.

It is definitely a process. Please give yourself love and tender kindness as you move forward on your journey. I encourage you to read through the tools ... .just click on TOOLS in the green bar at the top of the page. Also, please look around the board and get involved in the conversations. You’ll see... .you fit here.

Keep asking questions. We’re glad you’re here even though we’re sorry for the reasons why.

Be extra kind to yourself today.

  L2T

[wakingfirst]

Thank you both so much!  It helps to hear that.  I'll keep making use of this site, for sure.

Sending good wishes to all... .

[Learning2Thrive]

  wakingfirst,

If you feel like it, please join in and post on other threads. The sense of comradery and understanding as we share our struggles, successes and  moments really does make a positive difference.

 
  L2T