Hi Crywolf,



I think that you have it right here - moments of happiness can you remember those times that she gave you a hard time too? Can you share them here tell me a time where she treated you awfully?

Regarding your notes you put a lot of time into it i can understand that do you need them back ASAP for another project etc or can you wait and try again in the future to get them back?

PS good idea to post here 

I grieved since December. I don’t want to give her anymore of my time. I gave her everything. Even after the breakup. She fell in love with someone else.

We don’t have mutual friends for the notes.

Yea most of those pics were mere moments of happiness and I remember either hours after or before I was getting  the SIlent treatment. Lol
Another pic was of a tragic car accident we endured. Trauma bonding memories. I should delete our pics. But she was my first love. And I can’t seem to delete them.

I don’t need the notes right now necessarily but knowing her she would probably throw them away.

I think the urge also came because, she’s with someone new in a relationship and seems happy. Yet she abused me, and made me a mess. The messed up part is everyone I date ends tragically and I feel like something is wrong with me. Was she the healthy one and I was the toxic one? My T says no. But it’s hard being positive when you start to wonder if something might be wrong with you and you can’t maintain a relationship with anyone.

I also think that school is starting soon, and I will be forced to see her or her boyfriend or friends on campus again.

Hi CryWolf

I felt the same when I accidentaly found she was still on my whattsapp when I reinstalled it, I saw her profile pic with her fake smile and it made me instantly nauseated. Actually I couldnt pin down why, but what you said seems to make sense. After the ordeal I went through, to see her continue in life so non-chalant about it all, it strikes deep towards a sense of unfairness, injustice, I can understand feelings of anger and resentment intermixed with love. You wouldnt be feeling this way if you had not developed genuine strong feelings. Those times of happiness wouldnt have been what they were, if you never allowed yourself to be vulnerable and to have loved her as you did.

There are times I momentarily regretted that I erased every picture of her and us, but I did the right thing. She has them all on facebook anyway, she deletes nothing. Trophy pictures? Who knows - all I can say is that in order to move forward I wanted to clear the deck and not hang on to any nostalgia - good or bad. That might sounds a tad "radical" yet its important not to forget, this type of relationship by all extents was radical, not the norm, and I felt needed a unique approach to detach from it than I would have done otherwise.

So im posting here to support you not to look at her blog, etc, because it is a platform for you continuing to feel hurt by and invokes an immediate emotional response. I thought aswell that I had forgotten her, moved on, until I saw that single profile picture and the nausea (which I relate more to anxiety than disgust) kicked in and took more than just a cold shower to wash away. The emotional attachment was still there and maybe in one way it was important to experience so you can guage just how much work needs to still be done?