BPD Daughter in Law and My Son Cut Us Off

[Funchies]

I am new to the group. My son is married to a BPD person. They had a child which they hid the pregnancy from me and has told his father (whom we are divorced) that is he told me or my other son about the baby they would x out the father and his entire family from any communication. I have been estranged from my son... .due to the BPD of wife.

[Learning2Thrive]

  Funchies and welcome,

I’m glad you’ve found us but very sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

Do I understand correctly that your son has married a pwBPD and they now have a child? And you are currently estranged from them?

Can you provide a little more background information? Has your DIL been diagnosed with BPD?  Was there an event or series of events that lead to the estrangement? What symptoms of BPD does your DIL display? How long have you been estranged?

I look forward to learning more about you and your situation so we may help you with the most appropriate tools.

  L2T

[Growing a pair]

Hello Funchies,
I feel for you! I have a similar situation. I only recently realized that my DIL has BPD. Unfortunately, I know a lot about BPD because my older sister has it... .no fun growing up with her overpowering me emotionally and messing with my mind!
My DIL has turned my son against me, he's angry at me, won't tell me why.
I've been supporting them financially since she had my grand daughter 9 months ago. My DIL wanted me there at the birth... .and has been relying on my help in babysitting.
Now I'm cut off and in so much emotional pain... .
welcome to the group

[zachira]

My heart goes out to you not being able to see your son and grandchild, whom you love and care so much for that you would probably give your own life for them. Time is what can make the difference, though that does not lessen the pain right now. What passions and loves can you pursue in the meantime to lessen the pain so it is not so overwhelming? My cousin married a woman who was BPD, and they had no contact with the family for several years until the couple divorced. The parents of my cousin just kept their cool and did not reach out to the couple after a certain point because it seemed to make things worse. I hope things get better sooner rather than later. We are here to listen and support you. Post anytime and let us know how you are doing.

[Notwendy]

This is a tough and sadly common situation. My BPD mother disliked my father's FOO and that created distance from them.


Are you still supporting them financially? Babysitting?

[Angie59]

Hello Funchies!

I am so sorry to hear of your circumstances and your loss of contact with your son and family.  I have been imagining this may happen to me one day and am just hanging in there praying it doesn't.  May I ask what brought them to this point?

Sometimes I feel like we are looking at an obvious or logical reason why things happen with pwBPD, only to find that is not the case at all.  My logical mind is saying maybe a big blowup, something that was done or said that was perhaps said the pwBPD, etc... .  It doesn't always have to be about something we would normally think is a big deal. 

I have been told that a pwBPD does not process things in their mind the same way those who do not have this condition do. 

If you feel comfortable talking about this, I would love to hear from you.  My son is with a girl with uBPD and has been for 4-1/2 years.  I worry a lot that this will happen to us as well. 

I've been reading a lot about setting boundaries - great article on this site.  It's something you have to do, but scary as well as I am afraid the same result will be true for us as well - no contact.  I feel your pain.

Angie59