The bit missing from my r/s with my ex was reciprocation

[RomanticFool]

Remember that you’re only a few months out yourself. There’d be something wrong with you if you could just feel that magic again right out of the gate. In fact there’s even a name for that, isn’t there? It’s on the tip of my tongue... .

Dogman, the term you are searching for is limerence:

A state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated.

The bit missing from my r/s with my ex was reciprocation.

[DogMan75]

Dogman, the term you are searching for is limerence... .

I was joking - the term I was ‘looking for’ was BPD.

;-)

[RomanticFool]

Ah right, I didn’t quite get that :-) However, the limerence thing holds true too. I know I often confuse that early obsession with lasting love. It is easy to get wrapped up in lust and the excitement of a new affair before seeing behind the eyes into the crazy soul!

[DogMan75]

Ah right, I didn’t quite get that :-) However, the limerence thing holds true too. I know I often confuse that early obsession with lasting love. It is easy to get wrapped up in lust and the excitement of a new affair before seeing behind the eyes into the crazy soul!

I really loved her, I did. There are just some minimum requirements that need to be met to maintain that love and they simply weren’t happening. Such a waste.

[RomanticFool]

I empathise Dogman. I feel very similar, except in my case she was already married first time around (having initially neglected to mention it before I travelled 200 miles to meet her). Second time around I was married too but opened the door to her (lying to myself that we could be friends) and six years later I’m embroiled in a mess and every argument is like Groundhog Day. I sometimes think I’m worse than her when it comes to endless, pointless ultimatums. She said to me earlier today that I make her feel ‘trapped’ by how I react to things. I would consider altering my behaviour if it wasn’t for the fact that we haven’t seen each other for 18 months. It is actually laughable. I am only hanging on because the times we have been together have been manna from Heaven for me. It’s all messed up. If I was younger and not married I’d just go out and meet somebody else just to shut my obsessive mind up. Now I have to convince myself that she is bad for me when I know that with a bit of time and a few well chosen words I could sweet talk her back into my bed. If only I didn’t love her and care what she did so damn much. The main issue in my life is that I am not intimate with my wife and so there is no reason to cool my ardour towards the ex.

[DogMan75]

If I was younger and not married I’d just go out and meet somebody else just to shut my obsessive mind up. Now I have to convince myself that she is bad for me when I know that with a bit of time and a few well chosen words I could sweet talk her back into my bed. If only I didn’t love her and care what she did so damn much. The main issue in my life is that I am not intimate with my wife and so there is no reason to cool my ardour towards the ex.

It’s not a binary system. Sounds like you’ve two dysfunctional relationships on your hands. And you can date at any age. I haven’t gone through your post history: what’s the deal with your wife?

[RomanticFool]

The deal with my wife is that we haven’t slept together since before we got married.