There's nothing to be stressed about at home except I was asking for him to go to therapy, act calmer, keep control of himself, do things for himself. But, I can't ask anymore. It's been 5 years at least I have been saying I am not your enemy. I am not picking fights with you. And then two years recently of serious work. We tried counseling. He went to counseling for 5 times in one year. Really?
Hey... .sorry you are missing your kids. I'm wondering what you can do to take care of you while missing them?
Since I don't know much about your story yet... I'll offer some general comments.
I get it that
you don't see much to be stressed about at home... .but I wonder how he feels about the events you list. I've been around this BPD issue for a while... .my guess is "the average" BPDish person would find this incredibly stressful, which would likely result in deterioration of the relationship.
Please don't "hear" me blame you. Please do hear that if you can examine things from different points of view, even ones that are very uncomfortable for you... .I bet things will get better.
Communication with kids:
perhaps the text below
"Hey... .hope you are enjoying your time away. I miss you and the kids. Please have them text when they have a few minutes to catch up."
Then... .go about your business
What things have you done in the past few years that resulted in improvement?
What things have you tried that didn't seem to work?
FF