What do I even miss?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello everyone,

It's been a few weeks that my ex and I have been breaking up, I say breaking up because it has been backwards and forwards so many times that there hasn't been any real closure. We have said our final goodbyes, but there has not been any actual moving on, especially from me... .

I am finding this relationship the hardest to get over. Being with someone who have BPD traits makes your whole world turn upside down. I am battling to find which way is up. I e-mail her hoping she would just snap out of her "issues" and see things the simplistic way that I do, but then I want to move on thinking I don't deserve the way I have been treated.

Why on earth do I want her back? Why am I willing to trade my sanity for companionship? How could I possibly want that for the rest of my life? Questions no one can answer but me, but maybe some one who has been through this "phase" can shed some light?

[evs09]

Hello everyone,

It's been a few weeks that my ex and I have been breaking up, I say breaking up because it has been backwards and forwards so many times that there hasn't been any real closure. We have said our final goodbyes, but there has not been any actual moving on, especially from me... .

I am finding this relationship the hardest to get over. Being with someone who have BPD traits makes your whole world turn upside down. I am battling to find which way is up. I e-mail her hoping she would just snap out of her "issues" and see things the simplistic way that I do, but then I want to move on thinking I don't deserve the way I have been treated.

Why on earth do I want her back? Why am I willing to trade my sanity for companionship? How could I possibly want that for the rest of my life? Questions no one can answer but me, but maybe some one who has been through this "phase" can shed some light?

[BreatheFirst]

I am going through this phase too and trying to work out why I want him back. I have the same question... .What do I miss?... .definitely the companionship, the sense of family, his warmth in bed, and cuddles but... .I know I don't miss the abuse, the rages, the outbursts, the silent treatment, the cheating.

Would anything change if we got back together? I don't know. I'm hoping to find some light too.

[Sufferingsoul34]

I am in exactly the same situation, it’s been a week and a half since I saw my BPD wife of 5 and a half years, the thing is I don’t even know if it ended. We have also been back and forth etc for a while and this time she mentioned divorced so I said ok go do the divorce papers. She did and sent them to my email so I printed them but they were never signed. She didn’t mention the papers when I flew to England (a planned trip for both of us which she backed out of). A week after me leaving I gave in and messaged her to ask how she was. She said she only wants me to contact her if it’s about the divorce papers. She has destroyed me and I literally haven’t stopped drinking or crying since I last saw her. I didn’t reply to her text and now am basically waiting to see if she will contact me when she’s feeling lonely and missing me then I will fly back out to the USA to see her but maybe she sees me as so black right now that she’s going to move on, but then why didn’t she mention the divorce papers the last few days I was there and she was literally all over me the last night together.

[once removed]

maybe some one who has been through this "phase" can shed some light?

in my case it was the powerful sense of rejection i felt. i wanted out for a lot of the duration of the relationship, too. that powerful feeling of rejection, at the time, i would have done anything to reverse it. i fantasized about the ways in which i could, and ways that would put me in control, an awful lot.

Why on earth do I want her back? Why am I willing to trade my sanity for companionship?

i read through your posts, and i realize you arrived in a crisis state so it stands to reason, but i dont hear much if any mention apart from the sex (is that part of it?) that you liked about her, so its hard to say in your case.

its possible, though, that its as simple as the fact that grief and letting go are uncomfortable for anyone, excruciating. it got a lot easier for me when i stopped trying to fight those feelings (ie i thought something was wrong with me for missing her and wanting her back) and simply acknowledged them... .then they got a lot easier to tend to, and work with.

what do you think?