I think she is frustrated and wants to talk...interesting sex email

[Gemsforeyes]

OH MY!  That oughta bring more Diet Coke out of BD’s nostrils!

Gems

[Red5]

... .I came out as whiter than the driven snow. When I left her words to the other girls was "I'm going to F that!"... .and so she did.

FACT !

*Bad girls like good boys,

and... .

*Good girls like BAD boys!

 ... .just ask Olivia Newton-John about the "Danny" character from "Grease" ha ha ha !

[PeteWitsend]

sounds like this episode had more or less a happy ending (no pun intended).

although it sounds like the school year will be stressful for a while until the kids settle down into their own routines.

you can probably expect the pattern to continue, but maybe with different things prompting it.

[Enabler]

although it sounds like the school year will be stressful for a while until the kids settle down into their own routines.

Or... .put another way, an abundance of opportunity to walk along side Mrs FF and be available for muchos ground shaking naked cuddles. Being a supportive husband is aspirational and these opportunities are great times to allow her to learn how to get that support, whilst allowing her to solve her own troubles.

[BasementDweller]

Hahaha! I have learned to put the cola down before reading this thread.

I agree, FF, your wife likely is very overwhelmed by what's going on with the start of school, especially since she is working with some kids with very unique challenges. I am not surprised that her email about the sex came at the time it did. I know for one that when I feel burnt out, exhausted, stressed, tired, etc., nothing helps more than a good ol' "Jolly Rogering". She's probably reaching out to convey that she needs a little more TLC. (wink wink)

That was one area where my exBPD never disappointed. And when I started my new job last year, and came home stressed and exhausted, the one thing I wanted even more than a hug was... .eh... .ok. You know.

I will never forget the look on his face when I arrived home to a romantic scene with the candles, bottle of wine, massage oil -  the whole bit. It was a long day, and I had only one thing on my mind besides a hot shower and sleep. I had texted him, because I wanted him to "be prepared" and when I arrived - he was. But I scanned the room, saw the elaborate scene he had set, and said, "This is nice, but let's save the fancy stuff for the weekend. I want to blow off some steam and then go immediately to sleep. Save the romance. You're gonna have to do the ol' 30 second pump and dump!"

He was able to provide a full minute and a half of bliss, after he picked his jaw up off the floor.

Ah, we were good that way. Probably why I endured as much as I did with him.

It's threads like this that make me miss that madman. *sheds tear*

[formflier]

Please tell me... .what is “scare the cat” sex?

 

Hehe... .

So... .at first I figured I would massage and see where that went.  I really couldn't get any feedback from her... .which almost always means "go ahead".  So... .I went ahead.

Remember... I'm an aviator... .and like checklists and plans... .so.  I figured be gentle and consistent and get to the O for her... .and then see how she feels about things.

Well... .it was obvious that she was enjoying it... .yet the finish line was elusive so I kicked it up a notch.   Well... .that's not working and I can tell she is getting a bit frustrated so... .it's time to make sure windows are closee, hope everyone is really asleep and let the wild rumpus begin  (bonus points to the first responder that can identify where that phrase came from... )

After a good bit of rumpus... I was done... .she finished quickly after.

Yeah... cat was terrified... .

Anyway... one of the big frustrations (for me) of the entire email episode and sex in general is that she seems to orgasm much easier after me, sometimes she goes before.  Yet... .like most guys... I often "collapse" soon after... .

It's almost like she doesn't want the focus to be on herself... yet she wants to be the focus... without being focused on.

or... something like that.


FF

[Red5]

Please tell me... .what is “scare the cat” sex?

Found it !

https://www.you.tube.com/watch?v=y4Jq3G069ow

 !

[BasementDweller]

Anyway... one of the big frustrations (for me) of the entire email episode and sex in general is that she seems to orgasm much easier after me, sometimes she goes before.  Yet... .like most guys... I often "collapse" soon after... .

It's almost like she doesn't want the focus to be on herself... yet she wants to be the focus... without being focused on.

or... something like that.


FF

It might also be that she is focusing too hard on it as well, and putting pressure (subconsciously) on herself to finish before you do so everybody feels good, and good about themselves. It's like trying to fall asleep while staring at your alarm clock thinking about how soon you have to get up... .a "rush to the finish line" and she wants to beat you because then everyone is happy. Just a hunch... .does that make sense?

Even if she is BPD and can seem cold or demanding... .we girls, even if we don't always say so, care about the man's ego and want him to know he is doing a great job. Perhaps to the point where we put pressure on ourselves.

[Red5]

Red5's sex checklist:
Woman climax first = good!... .(good job Red5!)... .(Woman pleased & satisfied!).
Woman and man climax at same time = awesome!, ~> snuggle/cuddle/sleep (stuck together).
Man climax first = bad, (pressure on Man)... .(Woman disappointed?).
Woman climax after Man = bad most times, (pressure on Man?).
Nobody climax... .back to drawing board, go to library, check our Kama Sutra !

... .Woman climax x 2 times, before Man, Man fakes it, .hmmm?

Red5

[BasementDweller]

"Man fakes it"... .

   

[Cat Familiar]

Something that Notwendy mentioned earlier in the thread is the hormonal changes that begin to occur starting around the age your wife is. Since part of her identity is wrapped around being a hyper sexual woman, she may be alarmed at feeling less excitable both physically and emotionally. And we know what pwBPD often do with uncomfortable feelings--project and blame them on their spouses.

So it may have little to do with you, FF. If you're doing what previously pleased her in the past, it might be more difficult for her to get to the same place than it once was. Since she has sexual energy to spare, it might have gone unnoticed by you that she's having different feelings about the process. It might be that she's worrying about the direction it's headed if she has noticed her sexual mojo waning.

And, the situational variable as many have pointed out--a new year of school starting with the attendant anxieties of creating structure for a new group of students.

[formflier]

She seems totally happy today.

Near as I can tell... the frustration from a bunch of stuff... mainly school... poured out in an odd way.

Who knows.

FF

[pearlsw]

I have so much to learn!   

Ya'll make me laugh! 

Great job on that email to get that result - wow! High fives and orgasms for everyone!   

[Notwendy]

This thread is hilarious.

FF, I think sometimes we can err on the side of trying to find meaning to someone's behaviors. We all get upset, stressed from time to time for various reasons or sometimes we just don't know. I think sometimes trying to find meaning to it can lead us into problems- especially if we make a meaning out of something.

I think if we've been walking on eggshells with someone we are prone to "mind reading" to try to avoid trouble. We may get it right a lot of the time but we are not mind readers and this can make problems in relationships. I try not to do this. I also think perhaps someone with BPD who has trouble looking inwards may not be completely aware of why they are irritable. If they are- we can let them handle it.

Your wife has BPD but she also has a lot of strength. It takes a lot to plan lessons and teach a class of kids every day. I'm sure it can also be draining, and then, she comes home to her own kids. I'd expect someone in this situation to feel irritable at times.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cpEgUSNsrU

[Enabler]

I'm trying to mind read why my wife has had the application for Decree Nisi since the 18th June and despite me being away with the kids for the last 2 weeks on holiday and her being home alone she has not 'found the time' to put it in the post. It's signed and dated and just sitting in a file... .

But that might be the topic of another thread!

[Notwendy]

A good topic for another thread. Nobody can read her mind and it is another example of where trying to guess the meaning might lead to misconceptions and drama.

If I had to guess though, she's got it pretty good where she stands. She has you for support and OM for her romantic fantasy. At some level she probably knows he is less of a stable situation. I also imagine that she has some concerns about breaking up the marriage and the home for the children and the social/financial implications of this. Does she have feelings for you? I don't know if that is possible to know. Again, I think it is perilous to guess, but if I could, I think she has the best of both worlds as it is, and the future post divorce is unknown. The unknown is scary. She may have moments of wanting to go forward in addition to ambivalence and fear.

People also want what they can't have and at the moment, she and OM are longing for each other. That creates passion. I don't know if it would be the same if they were together all they want. I don't know OM but I have known a couple of guys who enjoy the pursuit, but once that's done, they lose interest. One of them I know well enough to know he's NPD. He dated, ( and dropped) a friend of mine.

Start a thread with this- and see where that discussion leads.