tired of the roller coaster ride

[AJ1969]

This is my first post so I am not sure what to say. My daughter has an intake appt with DBT on Friday. I really hope they can help. It seems I am living on a roller coaster with her mood swings. Sometimes she is ok but it seems most of the time, there always has to be something wrong; either work, school, finances, her stomach, and now lately it is her weight and diet.

She started having serious issues last year with constant panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. We had to bring her back home from college so she is close to us. We got her into weekly therapy and it has gotten better. But she still has panic attacks out of the blue. It seems like everyday there is something she isn't happy about. And of course she says I don't understand and constantly lashes out at me if I say anything.

She has tried a couple of diets and has never stuck with anything. She gets discouraged and anxious about something and binge eats. So her weight yoyos. She just started seeing a nutritionist and she really likes her. However, she wants immediate gratification and wants to lose weight immediately. The nutritionist says her weight may go up a little but will level out and then start going down. The important part is that her weight won't go up and down and she should start feeling better.

Well it has been about 2 weeks and she has gained a little weight but she is eating healthier and not binging like before and she physically feels better. But that isn't good enough for her. She is depressed and anxious about it all the time.  She says "I'm having a hard time. You don't understand". We are about to go on vacation and she is upset and worried about going because she says "everyone always gains weight when they go on vacation". She can't just enjoy being on vacation!

I went online and looked into support groups for her. Something to help her understand she isn't alone. But that got me thinking that I wish there was a support group for me. I am in a constant state of paranoia that she is going to have a bad panic attack or the suicidal thoughts will return. I am in a permanent state of helplessness and not sure how to stop worrying. Almost like I have developed PTSD from going through this with her.  Anyone got any advice?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi AJ1969 and welcome to bpdfamily

You were looking for a support group for you and we have many members here who also have children with BPD.

I am glad that the weekly therapy seemed to have a positive effect on your daughter and also that her eating habits have gotten better these last two weeks.

When a child has frequent panic attacks and struggles with suicidal thoughts, that can be a very traumatic experience for a parent. We actually have several members who have been diagnosed with PTSD or cPTSD after the difficult experiences they've had with their BPD family-members.

To help you deal with your daughter, I encourage you to explore the tools and lessons described in the sidebar to the right.

To help you calm your own mind, it might help to practice meditation/mindfulness. Is this perhaps something you've ever tried before?

The Board Parrot

[Harri]

Hi AJ1969.  I want to join Kwamina in saying welcome to the site.  You are not alone and found a great place to get support for yourself and to learn ways that can make things better for you with your daughter.  We get it here.  It is hard and scary and painful to watch a loved one struggle with anxiety, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. 

One of the articles that is listed on the right side of the page is called "Be Self aware and mindfulness".  I would suggest focusing on that to start as it will help you manage your feelings especially your own anxiety about her anxiety. 

I hope to hear more from you soon and I hope you are both able to enjoy your vacation.