If its not one thing, its another.

[WonderingGirl]

I figured it was time to start a new thread, as its been a few days now. I will say, if its not one thing, its another.
He broke up with me on a Sunday, and I didn’t leave because I work all week, and between moving and paying the bills for the house, I didn’t think it was fair for me to have to be out immediately. It was just to much. Throughout the week we just hung out, and there as only one day he told me leave. Which was so back and forth. That night, one minute we would be laughing, and he next he would be telling me he wanted me to go. Sunday, he broke down and was like I do love you, and we got back together. Yay! I was hoping everything would be good because he was coming out of his funk. Its been just as rocky II guess.
He’s been struggling, and finally went to therapy after 3 weeks! Yay! But last night he told me that his therapist said I sounded crazy because I wouldn’t leave the house. Well, clearly my thoughts on why he broke up with me were right, if he choose to get back with me again. Well, at least that’s what my mind thought.
Later last night, he told me that he just doesn’t feel it anymore, in the fact that we do not have a good sex life. I really wanted to tell him, that its because of him. He chooses to not be affectionate with me anymore, and wave off most of the moves I make. Then he only wants to have sex his way, when he wants it. Which is not how it used to be. Then there is the factor that I do not have the parts he also craves, as he wants to also be with guys. I cant solve that issue, and I know that. Truthfully, its not mine to solve. He even went as far as telling me to find him a guy last night. Okay? I told him previously if he does want to have sex with a guy, he can. That I don’t have those parts, so I am not going to stand in the way of that.
Well, I want to have fun, and be fun together. He says he does, but then we I try, he has no interest and then complains about not having fun. Its definitely  a struggle. This is more so a  vent because I have no one to talk to about this for real.
Then this morning, he told me I was mean because I took the money I needed from him to pay his loan payment. I cosigned on it, so there is no way im allowing him to miss a payment. Even if that means he gets mad at me for taking cash off his dresser. Just because he is upset, he still needs to be responsible. He still is not trying to get a job, and I don’t know how to approach him on the fact that he has this loan he needs to be responsible for. That he needs to work on getting a job. He said he was just going to sell the ATV the loan is on, but its not like he is even trying to do that. How to I approach him on this?
I love him to death. I really do, and I want to see him be the best he can be for himself, and everyone else. I know he can be great. Just 2 months ago, we were great, things were great. Our life was great, and he had plans for the future. But now he is a mess, and his therapist is telling him im crazy I guess. I just don’t know how to act in this situation.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[BeagleGirl]

WondernigGirl,
Wow.  That's a lot to go through in so short a time.  I know how emotionally draining it can be to live with the uncertainty and ups and downs.  How are you doing on self care during this time?

You mentioned in your post that your primary purpose was to vent because you don't have others to talk to about this.  We're definitely here to listen and empathize with you.  Is there anything else we can offer?  You mentioned that you aren't sure how to act.  Are there certain actions you are considering and would like some feedback on?

BeagleGirl

[WonderingGirl]

Hi beaglegirl,

during this time I am trying to just relax, watch shows and crochet. Along with do extra special things with my son.

I mean there is no specific action I am considering at this point. I guess I am just trying to find the balance between allowing him to do whatever he wants (like not paying his loan payment for example), and speaking up and being like this is what you have to do. I guess I need to learn some constructive ways to get my feelings out that don't make him angry, or feel bad. But also allow me to say what I need to say about certain situations. As I have been able to just speak without much thought before this major issue with him, this is a change for me!

[BeagleGirl]

A fellow crocheter!  I usually don't do much crocheting during the summer but am working on a christening set for my xSIL. 

Changing communication patterns is the most effective and most DIFFICULT thing to do.  Have you take a look at any of the articles on communication on this site?