Feeling sure about things, but having dark feelings

[Depression = 72% of members]

JNChell... .thank you for talking with me. I had planned to ride this morning but it’s thunderstorming so that’s out for today.

I encourage you to get on that bike as soon as you can. Take it for a short, no pressure ride. Feel the wind in your face and the sun on your skin. Find a hill and pedal up it. Fly down the other side.   Connect to the moment and the sensations in your body.   I get this crazy kid like grin every time I ride. I ride to be free. And I am free when I ride.

Sending you love and smiles, little brother. You are awesome and worthy.

L2T

[Learning2Thrive]

JNChell... .thank you for talking with me. I had planned to ride this morning but it’s thunderstorming so that’s out for today.

I encourage you to get on that bike as soon as you can. Take it for a short, no pressure ride. Feel the wind in your face and the sun on your skin. Find a hill and pedal up it. Fly down the other side.   Connect to the moment and the sensations in your body.   I get this crazy kid like grin every time I ride. I ride to be free. And I am free when I ride.

Sending you love and smiles, little brother. You are awesome and worthy.

L2T

[JNChell]

L2T

I’m just so dang tired of losing the ones I love.

It’s exhausting. It’s also exhausting to realize and grieve the ones we never had.

He loved our walks and would perk up and whine with anticipation when I put on my walking hat.

I love this! One of my favorite characteristics about dogs is that they talk to us and show us their emotions. It’s a bond that we’ll both have again down this road called life.

Based on the scars on his body, chunk missing from his ear, and fearful aggression toward other dogs and most grown men, I am certain he was raised/bred to fight (there is a culture here ... .vomit). I now fully believe that his first owners turned him out after they realized they produced a genetically/physically inferior dog. Geeeez... .people s*ck.

This is sickening and cruel. At the end of the day, you gave him your best and allowed him to experience what a good and loving life is all about. You saved him from a world of psychopaths and sociopaths. He didn’t pass on in madness. He was allowed to move on with love in his heart. In essence, you saved his life.

But I feel so alone now.

This is understandable and normal to feel. I know it hurts, but you’re doing the right thing by allowing yourself to grieve. We’re here for you to support you through this.

I’m always happy to talk with you L2T.

Sending you love and smiles, little brother. You are awesome and worthy

Ditto! 

[Harri]

Your kindness is well... .very kind.  Thank you JNChell. 

We are all here doing our best and helping each other.  I don't want to think about where I would be if I hadn't come here a few years ago.  At the time I thought I was okay but looking back I can see I was desperate, confused, couldn't really talk about my stuff, at least not in any meaningful way.  Reaching out to others is what helped me.  Being accepted and supported and dare I say being shown love by the people here... .it was humbling and drew me in in spite of my tendency to push people away and run like hell.  Being here taught me how to love and show care in, I hope, healthier ways.  You are a part of that too JNChell.  As is everyone here.  I sound like I am all peace and love and I am anything but, but (!) this place is what allows me to be Harri and I am forever grateful.  The best part is that I still get to learn from everyone and pass on what I have received. 

Keep working on you JNChell and keep sharing yourself with us.  It is wonderful to see. 

L2T, I am so glad you are sharing your pain with us.  Thank you.

[JNChell]

Happy Sunday, Harri!  I hope you’re having a good one. Thank you for the compliment. It means a lot when I’m unsure about being kind so often.

I don't want to think about where I would be if I hadn't come here a few years ago.  At the time I thought I was okay but looking back I can see I was desperate, confused, couldn't really talk about my stuff, at least not in any meaningful way.

I know what you mean. We’re all glad that you’re here. I’m beginning to see how important retrospect is when it comes to this type of healing and recovery. We have to grieve the childhood that we never had. We have to grieve the parents that we never had, and we have to heal from both. Stepping back and looking at it shows me that this is going to be a lengthy process, but I embrace it with a vein popping bear hug. You have as well. You’re all in on this and I find comfort in that, and you being here as a peer that supports people like me. 

I sound like I am all peace and love and I am anything but, but (!) this place is what allows me to be Harri and I am forever grateful.  The best part is that I still get to learn from everyone and pass on what I have received.

Harri, please tell me that you haven’t eaten Woodstock!  

Well, what we’re trying to sort out here doesn’t come from a place of peace and love. It comes from violence being perpetrated onto children to put it bluntly.

I’m pretty sure that I was still pretty fresh (raw) here when Skip chimed in on one of my posts. He described how this community really works. It’s synergy. He is right. Whether he, or whoever created this place, it has turned into something that is not only amazing, but more importantly, simply needed from a humanitarian standpoint. My hope is that as communities like this evolve and begin to gently cause awareness that the mental health industry will have no choice but to become more proactive at addressing childhood trauma. Maybe, just maybe this will cause a trickle effect back into society that is able to perpetuate a downward slide of children being abused. It’s a multigenerational problem and one person out of a family dynamic of multiple abusers is not enough to make substantial changes. The math doesn’t equate with moving to a better place here. Sorry, I went off on a tangent.

Harri, you’re a wonderful person and I think that you should treat yourself to something that you like today. If you decide to, will you tell us what it was?

[Harri]

Harri, please tell me that you haven’t eaten Woodstock!

What?... .Oh sorry, I was busy trying to get this yellow feather out from between my teeth... .<hiccup!>*

Hiya!  It is good to stop and take a look back at how far we have come in our healing, not too often though as it can be hard to see and I hate feeling discouraged. 

Well, what we’re trying to sort out here doesn’t come from a place of peace and love. It comes from violence being perpetrated onto children to put it bluntly.

Very good point JNChell. 

Another thing that separates this site from others is that there is a recovery platform here that the leaders take seriously.  It is not just a vent site, though we can vent.  When I first came I was quiet, shy and a little taken aback by how accepting everyone was.  It was an adjustment.  hahaha

I am already doing nice things for me.  I am comfortable on my couch, watching TV and posting as I feel the urge and chatting with friends.  I was up very early and then took a mid-morning nap!  It is good weather today, not too hot and humid and I may go for a drive a bit later.  I love to drive with the windows open and the music blaring.  I've been listening to a lot of Van Morrison lately and especially love Philosopher's Stone so maybe I will bring him along for the ride. 


*No birds were hurt in the production of this post. 

[JNChell]

Oh Harri! Thank you for the laugh!

there is a recovery platform here that the leaders take seriously.

I’m 100% in tune with this. This is an amazing place that is at times hard to wrap my head around. I’ve talked here since the early part of this year. I can now understand that it’s hard to see different perspectives when a person is traumatized. A person that is traumatized has tunnel vision. They simply want to survive. They don’t really even function in any way that is beyond survival.

When I first came I was quiet, shy and a little taken aback by how accepting everyone was.  It was an adjustment.  hahaha

It took me two months to post my OP. I read, and read and read. You know what Harri, you made your first post. Now you’re part of the staff. Have you ever stepped back and processed that? If not, I think you should. Now spit that feather out and pat yourself on the back!

No birds were hurt in the production of this post.