Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
April 16, 2024, 11:28:30 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
81
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Acting nice vs. Being good (acting vs. virtue)  (Read 369 times)
JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3520



« on: August 25, 2018, 11:54:27 AM »

Emotionally manipulative people are very good actors at first. They’re very nice. They are able to seek out potential supply by a few questions upon meeting them. They are nice in doing so, but there is a purpose for that. Being. nice can be an act.

Being good is a virtue. It’s a value that we possess and seek. It is what is. There is no acting involved.

S3’s mother was a very nice woman, even when revealing the initial   Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)’s. I was paying attention to the wrong things. I was paying attention to her attention to me, not her. Not the warning signs.

In saying this, I realize that I was starved for attention myself, and it was noticed quickly by my ex.

Anyway, taking time with a potential partner makes sense now. Exploring them without interrogating them. Listening to the gut, and trusting it.
Logged

“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
Insom
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 680



« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2018, 12:49:38 PM »

Thoughtfully said, JNChell.   I can relate to how powerful it feels to redirect caring attention toward yourself. 

Excerpt
I realize that I was starved for attention myself, and it was noticed quickly by my ex.

How do you feel about your attention status status now that you've been able to look back and notice you were starved?  Still hungry?  Found a way to get that need met?  Still searching?
Logged

JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3520



« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2018, 01:12:48 PM »

Hi, Insom. I’m still very hungry and still searching, but the compass has changed direction. It’s pointing at me. As far as curing the hunger? I’m working on it through therapy. Thank you for reaching out.
Logged

“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!