Questions: Is my mother BPD?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi,
    I have just started researching and really wondering if my mother has BPD.  She has complex trauma and of course that affects her relationships and also most likely deep attachment issues but often she also seems like she has high functioning BPD.  For me I feel often a push pull emotionally wth her and like she doesn't trust me nor my father who she is not getting along with right now.  It's starting to make sense to me.  I am reading "stop walking on eggshells" or whatever the exact title is and a lot makes sense there.  She isn't the type of person to put me down though or be mean.  She just withholds information, thinks she is right all the time, has intense emotions, doesn't trust anyone in the family completely, judges people for human mistakes and is perhaps slightly narcissist in thinking her experience trumps all other experiences and she constantly refers back to her life while talking about anything.  She also is constantly making a point about something or passive aggressive in how she talks about things, never having a conversation without making a point about her life and experience or making a political point.  It feels like no one can talk about their own without it constantly referring back to her.  Makes me want to scream... .very frustrating.  We often have heated conversations because I don't agree with her.  I am 41.  As a teenager I was very combative with my mom and had suicidal ideation, depressed and left home at 17 because I couldn't handle living at home.   I moved back next door two years ago during a calm period and then my mom started having PTSD again and her intense emotions started acting up again.   I felt those old emotions pop up again briefly and I was able to recognize that it felt like emotional suffocation that was making me feel that way and the feelings stopped.  A big AhA moment !  I have told my mom I don't want to hear about her life anymore and that she needs counseling.  It's been tough.  She is starting counseling but has a really hard time not talking about her life.  I am glad she is getting counseling again.  Phew!  Any advice?  I do feel having strong boundaries and not spending a lot of time with her is good.  Also doing things that get her out of her normal routines or out of the house are good because she doesn't dwell on her issues she has not resolved.  She seems to be environmentally triggered at home and not able to relax or just be.  

[Recoverytx]

Hi,
    I have just started researching and really wondering if my mother has BPD.  She has complex trauma and of course that affects her relationships and also most likely deep attachment issues but often she also seems like she has high functioning BPD.  For me I feel often a push pull emotionally wth her and like she doesn't trust me nor my father who she is not getting along with right now.  It's starting to make sense to me.  I am reading "stop walking on eggshells" or whatever the exact title is and a lot makes sense there.  She isn't the type of person to put me down though or be mean.  She just withholds information, thinks she is right all the time, has intense emotions, doesn't trust anyone in the family completely, judges people for human mistakes and is perhaps slightly narcissist in thinking her experience trumps all other experiences and she constantly refers back to her life while talking about anything.  She also is constantly making a point about something or passive aggressive in how she talks about things, never having a conversation without making a point about her life and experience or making a political point.  It feels like no one can talk about their own without it constantly referring back to her.  Makes me want to scream... .very frustrating.  We often have heated conversations because I don't agree with her.  I am 41.  As a teenager I was very combative with my mom and had suicidal ideation, depressed and left home at 17 because I couldn't handle living at home.   I moved back next door two years ago during a calm period and then my mom started having PTSD again and her intense emotions started acting up again.   I felt those old emotions pop up again briefly and I was able to recognize that it felt like emotional suffocation that was making me feel that way and the feelings stopped.  A big AhA moment !  I have told my mom I don't want to hear about her life anymore and that she needs counseling.  It's been tough.  She is starting counseling but has a really hard time not talking about her life.  I am glad she is getting counseling again.  Phew!  Any advice?  I do feel having strong boundaries and not spending a lot of time with her is good.  Also doing things that get her out of her normal routines or out of the house are good because she doesn't dwell on her issues she has not resolved.  She seems to be environmentally triggered at home and not able to relax or just be.  

[Harri]

Hi recoverytx and welcome to the board.  You are in the right place as we all have at least one family member with BPD or BPD traits.  I am sorry to hear that your mother is so difficult and having such a hard time.  Sounds like you are as well which is understandable.

Have you had a chance to look on the right side of the page at the survivor's guide?  Each is clickable and will expand.  It can help to figure out where you are so you can identify what you want to work on to help yourself heal and to learn to cope better.

i hope you will stick around and read and post so we can support you.

Again it is good to have you here.

[Learning2Thrive]

I have told my mom I don't want to hear about her life anymore and that she needs counseling.  It's been tough.  She is starting counseling but has a really hard time not talking about her life.  I am glad she is getting counseling again.  Phew!  Any advice?

Hello Recoverytx

You must have felt pretty upset about the emotional suffocation. How did she respond when you told her the highlighted part above?

It’s really fantastic she is willing to get counseling.

What kind of ongoing relationship would  you like to have with your mother, given your understanding of her deficiencies?

What about you? Are you receiving any kind of counseling or other support?

I look forward to learning more about you and how we may help.  

L2T

[Learning2Thrive]

Hello again Recoverytx,

How are you doing today?

Sending you positive energy and good thoughts,

L2T