I’m so sorry, udunnome81, how incredibly tough. I’m glad you have found BPD family because it’s a safe place to get support and give support.
A year is a long time to be gone. I’m sure she is missing a lot. What led up to her leaving?
It sounds as if you are managing. How are you doing?
Wishing you blessings and peace,
Mustbeabetterway
She says she was unhappy... .she had entered and emotional relationship with someone back in her home town.
Me I've been handling pretty well, today has been really hard. I went to church this morning and, at church, we are starting a 4 week marriage and relationahip track. It got me thinking, and like a fool I reached out and broke NC. I told her that the things she said in the divorce paperwork really hurt, but that I have forgiven her for what she has done to me.
She used it to slap me in the face saying g she has forgiven me too, and that I just never saw the terrible things I did to her.
Oh well, I tried. My feelings are my own, and I guess I just need to live with the fact that I loved a woman unconditionally for 15 years, when in all reality she didn't care at all.
Obviously it's been a rough day. Sorry, no one needs my pity party. I am doing better than it seems. I have a lot of strength and even writing this, I know that I am ok and our boys are safe.
The feeling that my emotions, needs, & wants are unimportant to those around me, is something that I am still working on. I still feel guilty for wanting anything for myself, as if it makes me a bad person.