New Member: I think my mom has BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello - Just stopping by to introduce myself. I'm in my mid-40s, and suspect mom has BPD. Am finally seeking therapy, and learning about this disorder and the emotional and physical abuse I suffered over the years. I am on the very beginning of this journey.

Personally, I'm in a good marriage to my husband of almost 17 years, and am the mother of two daughters still at home.

[purpletrixie]

Hello - Just stopping by to introduce myself. I'm in my mid-40s, and suspect mom has BPD. Am finally seeking therapy, and learning about this disorder and the emotional and physical abuse I suffered over the years. I am on the very beginning of this journey.

Personally, I'm in a good marriage to my husband of almost 17 years, and am the mother of two daughters still at home.

[Harri]

Hi purpletrixie and welcome to the board!

As you settle in and read here you will find there are many of us in similar situations.  What are the behaviors that cause you the most difficulty today
What are the behaviors that cause you the most difficulty

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask or jump in and post in other threads.

I am glad you found us.

ps, I know how to end a question, but my keyboard is acting up on me today. 

[purpletrixie]

Thank you, Harri.

I think that right now, I'm struggling with how to change my contact methods with my mom - to do things on her terms and not mine, and to set boundaries. And then, when I do assert my boundaries, how to release the internal negativity and the constant fear of receiving a text or email. There's an aspect of PTSD to it, I think.

[Harri]

okay, lets take a look at your current way of managing your contact with your mother and see how we can tweak it a bit. 
Does she call a lot
Text a lot
expect visits

How old are your kids

I am linking some articles here for you to read that I think may help.  It is also good though to talk things through here.  I may not know all the answers but someone else can come along or say something in a way that clicks better.  So lets see what we can do.

Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle  This article can help you a lot with staying out of any drama your mom may try to create and also help you learn to center yourself while learning to implement and enforce boundaries.

Boundaries and Values
Boundaries - Examples

Boundaries can be difficult to begin because it changes your role in the relationship.  That is hard not just for your mother, but for you as well.  Over time, you can have better responses rather than reactions, but it does take time.

[Learning2Thrive]

I think that right now, I'm struggling with how to change my contact methods with my mom - to do things on her terms and not mine, and to set boundaries. And then, when I do assert my boundaries, how to release the internal negativity and the constant fear of receiving a text or email. There's an aspect of PTSD to it, I think.

Welcome, purpletrixie  

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It’s exhausting and so frustrating.

Yes, you are so right, we can only change ourselves. And it is so unfair sometimes that we suffered the abuse but we also have to do the work to change so we might be able to have a relationship with pwBPD. ... .sigh... .

Did you say you’re in therapy currently or starting soon? A good therapist can make such a huge difference in the healing and recovery process.

You mentioned PTSD. Can you describe what is happening with that?Have you discussed this with your therapist?

Okay, I will stop with the questions for now. But I want you to know that you definitely fit here on this board. Many of us have been in similar situations as you describe.

Hope to hear more from you,

L2T