Fight or flight...

[Kittenkiss]

I am currently separated from my husband (my daughter and i have been living in an apt. For a year now). My husband and I had intended to use the past year to try to work things out. We went to mentor counselling which was not really sucessfull.  We have been to marriage counseling as well. Usually things end because we are getting nowhere in the sessions or something happens (usually something strikes a cord with my husband) and he decides he doesn't want to go back.
Therapy sessions often go round and round in circles, getting nowhere ( just like our fights/ discussions at home).
I don't know what to do anymore! I feel like I'm drowning and I'm loosing more of myself everyday. Not to mention the effect our relationship is having on our 12 year old daughter. 
He has not been diagnosed.  But so far it BPD is the only thing that has made anything that is going on in our lives make sense! H refuses to get help ( any kind of help at this point, even couples counseling). He insits it all me ( occasionally he will admit that part of it is him but then later he denies it).
I just don't know how to keep moving forward in my life and IF it is possible to do staying married?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Kittenkiss]

Not really looking for stsy or leave advice... .
Looking for how to move forward if I continue to stay in the relationship.
What works for non-BP individuals when their loved one is not getting help?

[livednlearned]

Welcome and hello  

What were some of the behaviors that led to you physically separating from H?

You made a lot of good attempts to sort things out, and it's understandable you feel frustrated after all this work.

There are specific relationship and communication skills that are not intuitive and must be learned, and this board is a great place to start. What is one of the behaviors you want to work on first? Maybe we can start there and see if there are some simple steps to build on.

Glad you found the site. We're here to walk with you.   

LnL

[Radcliff]

We're sorry for the difficulties you are facing, but are glad you've found us.  livednlearned has some good questions that will help us understand your situation better.  A book you might want to read that can help with difficulties in communicating effectively is The High Conflict Couple.  Though it does not mention BPD< it is written by a BPD expert, and many members have found it useful.

RC