Have been abused for 15 months by BPD lover

[Beesknees1985]

I have been systematically abused verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically, and violently for the last 15 months by a man I love. He ended things with me a month ago. We saw one another a few days ago. He said he wanted to give it another try. He had a stressful day yesterday and yet again, no support, love or understanding was enough. He lashed out, said mean things, and now he has ghosted me again after telling me our next scheduled time to see one another wouldn’t work. My pain is magnified again. After a month of moving towards recovery, with a broken heart, I had hope again and he’s destroyed me yet again. I just don’t know what to do.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Waddams]

No contact equals no new hurts.  I highly suggest you find a counselor.  It takes 2 to tango, we all participate in and even enable our own abuse by staying with an abuser and staying in the abuse cycle.  It's a dysfunctional thought that loving someone means we have to let them hurt us. 

I'm not blaming you for his choices and abusive treatment of you, but you are responsible for your choice to stay in it and continue to be his target.  What's in you that has you doing that?  Go find a counselor experienced with helping abuse victims and ask them that question.  Get help with owning your own issues and fixing them.

[spero]

Hi Beesknees1985,

Sending you greetings and .

I have been systematically abused verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically, and violently for the last 15 months by a man I love.

I'm sorry that you're feeling rather down right now and have endured much over the last 15 months. This is a safe place for you to be as you are. I believe many stories shared by our community will resonate with you. I am concerned for your well being, so are you safe right now, as you've mentioned physical abuse and violence. When you're able to share more about your situation, please do so. Tell us a little more about yourself. What are you doing now? Do you have a job? or are you currently studying? When did you first notice things going wrong?

Takecare,
Spero.

[Lucky Jim]

He had a stressful day yesterday and yet again, no support, love or understanding was enough. He lashed out, said mean things, and now he has ghosted me again

Hey Beesknees, I'm sorry to hear what you have endured.  As you note (above), those w/BPD can often present an emotional black hole, because no amount of love and understanding can fill their inner emptiness for long.  What makes you think your SO has BPD?  Fill us in when you can.  I echo Waddams: what is it that keeps you hangin' on, as the song says?  Spero makes a good point: your safety comes first.

LuckyJim

[Mindfried]

It is extremely painful and a true emotional roller-coaster ride. I had a 4 year relationship with a female UDBPD and after all the break ups and make ups her last break-up was the deal breaker for me. The one thing I focus on is their lack of support for the one they are suppose to love so much. At the end of the day remember that you cannot name 1 instance where he had your back or provided any type of support to you and I am not talking about financial support. It was all great words never backed up by any actions.

The greatest gift they gave us is they let us go, now we just have to have the strength to stay out and have a clean fresh start.