Hello All- Catch up Post

[DontGiveUpOnMe]

Good evening BPD Family,

You have been my family for quite some time. I believe it has been almost a year since I posted. I had recently moved into my first apartment and unknowingly would start my first "kind of real" job a month after posting. I thought when I got that job, my financial struggles would end- but they did not... .until recently. Someone who noticed me taught me to value myself more and seek another job and so I have been at this job for a bit.

Greetings from the other side! - My life is definitely not all together - in fact- I would say that I am in a slight place of anger sometimes.
After living with Hitler for 20 years I realize as I approach a new decade of my life in a couple of years, how life is actually logical. I've had time to fall in love with mathematics- which my family always dissuaded me from engaging in because I was "dumb". turns out I'm quite good... .my life now consists of a semi-regimented schedule that I control---(I am a bit OCD due to my tumultuous and unpredictable parents)
predictable budget, and comfort to engage in social interactions that I enjoy, on topics I enjoy.

gaining new skills, growing at work, and relaxing!

Its amazing. I must say I love life.

I will ask one question- I realize that although my life is wonderful - I still keep minimal contact with "the mother" and occasionally have paranoia- how do you all deal with this?

question 2:
I believe my upbringing caused me to have heightened stress chemicals in situations that are not stressful ( I will feel anxiety while I am sitting and have a mental dialogue that acts as if something bad is happening despite nothing happening) ... .I compartmentalize that emotional state and "sit next to it" but the feeling of anxiety persists- is this a thing? and is there a way to reduce this?


Anyway- I am in a much better place, by no means have I made it... .in fact... .I'm a little late for life, due to all the craziness.
but Im realizing every day that I was not the crazy one I was made to believe I was. I was just too logical for that insanity!

 Hope all of you are well.

[Turkish]

Your identity was based upon organizing identity around her needs,  validating her and only reciting validation when you did that, rather than as in independent entity yourself.  At least toy are aware of your conpartmentalization and it sounds like it is helping you for now.  Have you sought  professional guidance to help support you?

Congratulations on making the break into independence as establishing contact boundaries 

And that you found your talent!  My mom had me IQ tested in 7th grade and I was one point less than her (tested in the 1950s).  She used to shame me about not performing well in math,  as she could do long division in her head, a talent I never learned or had. 

[Kwamina]

Good evening to you too

You have been my family for quite some time. I believe it has been almost a year since I posted.

For quite some time indeed and the Board Parrot has missed you so thanks for the update DontGiveUpOnMe

I will ask one question- I realize that although my life is wonderful - I still keep minimal contact with "the mother" and occasionally have paranoia- how do you all deal with this?

What does this minimal contact look like, do you see her sometimes? Do you talk on the phone?

When you say paranoia, do you mean thoughts about your mother's (and stepfather's) behavior and what they could/would/will do?

I compartmentalize that emotional state and "sit next to it" but the feeling of anxiety persists- is this a thing? and is there a way to reduce this?

After going through so much in your childhood and as a young adult, I think it is a normal yet of course unpleasant reaction to experience this kind of anxiety. You experienced abuse and that can really affect people.

When you are having a mental dialogue which does not seem to match the objective facts of the situation you are in, what exactly are the things you say to yourself internally which do not seem to match with was is actually going on?

Overall you are doing better and that's great to hear. Also very nice to read about your new love... .Mathematics! Mathematics is very lucky to have you

The Board Parrot of the family