Mom's Property Not Gone

[Turkish]

I can't remember who told me,  but I was told that her 5 acres in the forest (with a seasonal creek, nice property) was put up for auction by the county this past spring. The house, literally collapsing, full of hoard, wth black mold and animal feces and urine,  needs 5 gallons of diesel and a match.  It's horrible.  Also junk strewn over the property.  

My mom is on conservatorship in the adjacent county in a skilled nursing facility.  Her mind ous so far gone that she didn't ask about the property the last time are visited about 3 months ago.  

Today I got a call from a Public Administrator in her former home county. The property was not put up for auction yet.  He was tasked with doing a probate investigation. I didn't ask how jure got my number.  

I told him a little of the story and how she was under Conservatorship and why I gave it up due to her accusations of criminal elder abuse.  He said, "yeah, you don't need to deal with that." Very validating!

He asked why she ended up in the next county and I told him it was the APS social worker who arranged it.  I gave the name and he knew her. "She's from that county originally. I'll talk to her."

I didn't say that the reason the 5 acres was in her dead husband's name was so she could put of paying property taxes back in the 90s. I told him that he had died in 2003. He had the info and said it was June 27th, 2001. He asked me if I went to the wedding (witness). I said no, but that I knew that they got married in Nevada and that I was positive that they did get married.  As an aside, I refused to go because I was an ass, resenting that my mom finally gave me a father when I was 31, something I always wished for.  And even though he was kind of a father figure from 14-18, and gave us a place to park our cab-over camper on his 2 acres, and helped me work on my motorcycles.  Even though he had severely stroked out by the time my mom married him (it was safe for her to marry him... .no consummation). I may have hurt him as well.  

I said that the marriage certificate was likely filed in the county. He asked if her deceased husband had kids.  I said that he did but that they were estranged and trust of last met the son in the early 90s and he never returned,  nor the daughters who lived in the southern part of the state. I told him I had learned that they didn't want anything to do with things and he said,  "so they probably have no interest." Likely not.  

I told him that I washed my hands of it.  He said that the back taxes were about $5k and rust the property was worth a little over $100k and it made sense to save it. I told him that my mother had the money when she lived with me and had over $10k in the bank when I cleared out her place (a local inn after she was kicked off her property) when she was put into the home.  I told him how she had refused to pay the then $2k in taxes when she was living with me.  I think my mom got validation from the ladies at the tax window by paying installments to pull herself up by her bootstraps. I told him I had given her money to help and money in 2003 for probate, which I learned last year was unnecessary.  My mom felt comfort in being a victim of imagined conspiracies. I think it gives such people strength.  

He asked about her neighbor wanting to buy the property "that's an easy solution." But he also told me that my mom told the ladies at the tax window that the neighbor wanted to buy the property so he could grow pot. I educated him about my mom's paranoia.  It really is stupid.  Easy sale,  easy money.  If my mom had listened to me in 2007, she could have sold it for $300k. Nope.

I told him that I had the money,  but that since she was under Conservatorship, and Medicare/medi-cal was payimg for her care, that they might force the sale of her property to pay for her care.  If she had done things right,  she would have homesteaded, or put out into a trust. I told him that while I could pay,  and I didn't care about inheriting the property,  I wasn't going to pay if it ended up that the state liquidated her property to pay for her care.  He said that he understood and that he'd check into how that might work. I don't want to throw $5k at nothing.

The outlier is her dead husband's 2 acres which my BFAM and his dad paid my mom oon the early 2000s $10k as a down (which my mother frittered away) and agreed to pay the remaining $20k in payments after my mom got the property in her name which she never did though the income would have helped her.  I asked my mom about that 3 years ago and she denied them giving her anything.  I remember at the time she telling me about it. That's a family honor violation for me.  They helped us out and me in particular in a crazy and messed up time. It really pissed me off.

So I didn't say anything about the 2 acres since the PA didn't mention it.  I was schooled in 1990 by an ex Navy SEAL from Vietnam "you never volunteer information!" My BFAM had been paying the taxes so it's not on the radar.  I'll make it right for the honor of the Turkish family if that goes awry.

I'm past being angry about how simple all of this huge mess could have been avoided. My mom never taught me how to navigate life; you figure it out.  But for a person suffering from severe mental illness,  even the little things become Sysiphean tasks. The depressive mom of a friend once told me about my mom,  "when things get really bad,  it becomes about survival." She was higher functioning than my mother but I felt like responding,  "so you feel validated in suffering even if your own choices landed you there?" I didn't need to ask; I knew the answer.  

[Harri]

If you could get the property without any issues, would you want it?  I think I would but I don't have the same history with it.

I am glad the Public Admin validated you.  I know you don't need it but it must have felt good to hear.  Did he say he would keep you posted?

[Turkish]

He said that he was going to visit the property today and would call me today or next week.  He and I were on Google maps looking at the satellite images.  He saw a tarp and asked if someone was growing pot. It can be dangerous up the.  My image was different.  I said that it was likely the tarp left over from when we would put it on her house every winter because the roof leaked. 

[Harri]

Wow, and here I was having visions of a small retreat for you and your kids, even inviting some kids that you might mentor along with you... .roasting weenies and marshmallows, and telling scary stories by the fire. 

Growing pot?  LOL 

[Woolspinner2000]

Speaking of growing pot, I guess the pot got stirred didn't it? 

It's an intriguing turn of events to be sure. Sounds like there's a lot to be sorted out so that you don't get tied up in it. I wonder what the outcome will be?

[Turkish]

I will update. I just wonder of I may have perjured myself by telling the court investigator on the other county that she had no assets or property. I'll deal with whatever comes and not lose sleep in the meantime.

[JNChell]

Could it be that it is still in another’s name that you didn’t perjure yourself? It all sounds pretty confusing, anyway.

I’ve read about this property before. This is just a thought. Gaining possession of the property might have advantages for you and the kids. I’m not sure how you feel as far as your emotions when it comes to the property. Do you want to push it away? Which is what I’m getting. Or do you want to resource it? Maybe, if you took ownership of it, but didn’t want it for yourself, you could eventually sell it off and split the proceeds equally into a trust, or whatever, for your kids.

[JNChell]

Turk, I apologize for the double post, but I have something to share here that I hope makes sense to you.

After both of my parents died and the estate was settled, my sister and I received life insurance money and inheritance. It was substantial for a guy like me. Being the emotional dumbass that I was over things, I spent that money in irresponsible ways. I didn’t know what to think upon receiving it. I was angry that I was left money and deprived a proper raising. I blew the money on purpose. I have a love/hate relationship with that decision, but I felt bought in the end. Just like every overbearing Christmas was buying me.

I regret blowing through that money, regardless of how I felt. I have a Son now that would’ve benefited from the equity that I could’ve established with that money. Hindsight. Maybe take a different view on the property. $300k is a lot of money in a society that demands it.

[Turkish]

I still think that when everything settles that it might be liquidated to pay for my mom's care. If that's the right thing to do rather then stick it to the taxpayers, then it's the right thing to do. 

I hear what you're saying about the property though. The county values it at $110k, but that's for the tax rolls. Zillow says $310k, but that's assuming a habital home.  In cases like this,  you take out remodeling permits and build from one wall,  eventually knocking down the original structure.  It's not something I'd likely be interested in as is have to remortgage the property.  I'm not going to risk my primary residence for a fantasy of country living.  That's how my mom lost her first home in the suburbs to a short sale in 1983. And she lost the 25 acres (With a riverfront!) to foreclosure in 1985. I only lived on the 5 acres in 1989 until my 18th birthday (a day after yours, btw) when I moved out and never spent a night back.  Thus I have no emotional attachment to it. 

Given the moving and loss and homelessness, I've never been attached to a place until being where I have been with the kids (and my ex the first 3 years) since 2010.  A buddy of mine used to joke,  "you really are a nomad and only want as much stuff that you can pack in your truck and leave on a moment's notice." Yep. That's what I learned growing up. 

As for my kids,  the home in currently in will be paid off when S8 starts college.  The kids will receive this equity,  even if I sell it (My ex strangely doesn't want me to ever sell it).  He already has $15k in his 529. The kids will do ok.  If I kick the bucket early,  which I've always felt likely,  then they'll inherit 80% of a 401(k) I've been contributing to since 1992, and other assets. 

I'm not full on Dave Ramsey frugal (We eat out way too much, e.g.), but I live below my means (which drive my ex nuts and still bothers her).