Here to tell you it's not hopeless

[JustYouWait]

Good morning from the east coast USA!

I haven't been around for a while, but some of you may remember me, I was here a lot beginning last October and through June of this year. 

My DD19 was diagnosed with BPD after three years of misdiagnoses of Bipolar, General Anxiety Disorder, and a host of others.  DD19 was a cutter, with 7 ER visits for stitches and suicidal ideation, and 8 stays inpatient in various psych wards in this area.  We also played the roulette wheel of meds with the doctors.  Every week, it seemed, was a new combination of meds the were supposed to work.  They didn't, and we were at the end of our ropes.  My posts here from that time will attest to that.

We sent her to a long-term inpatient residential program in CT, where she remained for 7 months.  It's also where the diagnosis was finally corrected to BPD.

She was released in June, came home (with a strict set of rules that WE made, rules for her, but really just a set of OUR written boundaries), got a job, and got to work.

I'm happy to report that, after a bit of a rocky start (we had to get used to a third person in our home again, as well as get used to the worry again), we have had:

no issues of self-harm
no drug use
no alcohol use
a mostly steady job
few instances of impulsive behavior

(knocks on wood)

and best of all, she seems clear-headed, open and honest, willing to talk, she's engaged in life - hers and ours, and has a desire to live.

So, I'm here to tell you:  this sucks.  What we're going through sucks.  Trust me - I know how you feel.  All of the hurt.  Anger.  Guilt.  Resentment.  Worry.  All of it. 

But it *can* get better.   

And you're not alone.


-jyw

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Good morning from the west coast Canada to you,  JustYouWait!

I would say... ."Welcome back!"... .but you really haven't left.  Life surprises us with detours all the time.

So good to read that your daughter was re-diagnosed and that she is even engaging in her own recovery.  

Always a plus to give a problem a name so you can find the right tools to work with.

Hope to hear more from you, JustYouWait.  It is validating to read your comment... ."this sucks!"... .because it does.  It is also comforting to read... ."it can get better"... .because it can. 

I will add here that the the "better" part can happen when we start to reclaim some time for ourselves... .grasp at anything, no matter how small, that will produce even a flicker of a smile.

Huat
 

[wendydarling]

And good morning to you JustYouWait from no where near a coast in the UK 

It's great to hear from you man! 

What a turnaround, your DD climbed over the fence, I'm delighted and relieved for you and your family.

Got a call from our DD18 who is in residential treatment the other day, who said that she is approaching "the fence".  Apparently, "the fence" is that part of treatment where she begins to figure out the "why" of her suicidal, self-harm, and/or bad feelings.

They call it the fence because she either decides to climb over it and begin to get better, or allow the fence to keep her penned in.

She said, "I need to figure it out, because the answer 'I don't know" isn't working anymore."

So, there's that.

She figured it out 

It sure sucks JYW.

Thanks for sharing things can get better.

Does your DD have ongoing support?  How's the young girl she met at RTC that lived not far from you?

WDx

[LoveOnTheRocks]

Good Morning from the East Coast, JYW!

Thanks for taking the time to encourage us.
I am so happy to hear your good news, and encouraged, as our family is also embarking on treatment and recovery, and after so many failed experiences with this, your post cheers us on, and reminds me that today is a new day with its potential for new results.
All the best!  LOTR

[Feeling Better]

Hi there JustYouWait

I would like to join the others in saying how wonderful it is to hear of such good news. I am so pleased for you that your daughter is doing much better now, thank you for sharing, it offers encouragement to others here   

[JustYouWait]

WD - you asked:

Does your DD have ongoing support?  How's the young girl she met at RTC that lived not far from you?

1.  She does.  She has gone from weekly to bi-weekly therapy appointments.
2.  That didn't work out so well.  It seems that bonds formed in crisis don't always survive re-rentry into the outside world.  That's ok.  It appears that the other girl is out and doing well locally, for which I'm glad.

Thanks everyone else, for your check in to this thread.  I hope it's going well for all of you also.

-jyw

[wendydarling]

Thanks jyw, I'm very pleased to hear the young girl is doing well. My DD has kept in touch with a few women from out patients though not in person, just reach outs to support each other, now and again. Glad to hear you're DD's got ongoing support, it's so important as I have learnt.  4 catch up sessions in a year before being 'discharged' is not enough (NHS UK), I wish they'd told her 12 months ago to go out and find herself a private therapist, 12 months ago, instead of now after her crisis. Anyhow, she's bounced back well, hope others learn from our mistake. On going support is key for us, she's still a long way to go, learning, growth and healing and I say that positively as I know she can, I see that now.

1.  She does.  She has gone from weekly to bi-weekly therapy appointments.
2.  That didn't work out so well.  It seems that bonds formed in crisis don't always survive re-rentry into the outside world.  That's ok.  It appears that the other girl is out and doing well locally, for which I'm glad.
-jyw

[bluek9]

Hi JYW,

  So glad to hear such good, encouraging news. I'm a firm believer in always having hope and that things can get better. They may not always stay in that mode, but at least we know they are attainable. After we slush through the pits of the lows with all that they dump on us; when we reach the "better" it's so nice to hang on to that golden nugget, even only for a moment. 
  So from the central Oregon coast line to you      for the struggles you have endured.

[betterdays77]

This gives me so much hope!   I'm doing this all alone in the meantime.   Can you tell me if the long term in patient was something that had to be mandated or was it optional. Also, do you know if insurance exists for such a treatment. The way things are going right now, I do see in patient as extremely high probability in the future. Thank you in advance.

[once removed]

thanks for bringing some hope to us, JustYouWait.

i hope youll stick around! its good to have a sounding board even when things are going better, and it can keep us sharp on those tools.

[JustYouWait]

Can you tell me if the long term in patient was something that had to be mandated or was it optional. Also, do you know if insurance exists for such a treatment.

We mandated it, despite her age of 18 at the time.  It was non-negotiable, and she had nowhere else to turn.  I have no regrets about using threats and cajoling to get her to go there/stay there.

We did not have insurance that covered it, but I think there are some that exist.  You may want to call your insurance company and see what the coverage is for you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders