Partner of many, many years

[stillcoping]

Hello. This is my first post and it's just to get some more information and comments on what the issue could possibly be.
My partner of many years, a relationship that ended with the authorities, has been having many issues for many years. He was given different diagnoses throughout his life. They range from add to bipolar to ptsd. I would have to say that he doesn't have natural highs and lows that would be qualified as bipolar imo. I just don't see it. Each one of these diagnoses were given without my input. The input I would give on his behavior is likely something he does not see and cannot relay to a therapist as it is not personally affecting him so much as it is others. I told him that he has a fundamental problem and in my mind I was not sure what it was but there is another issue whether it be a disability or another mental illness.
When I typed in all of his symptoms, the top result was Borderline Personality Disorder. The reality is he probably has several mental illnesses rolled up into one.
He had traumatic experiences (abuse) as a child and has flashbacks which pertains to PTSD. Though, there are many other things that only I could tell a psychologist, not him to get a full picture and diagnosis. I have never went with him to any meetings with a psychologist and he stopped going because he said he did not trust them. One of his previous ones I heard was terrible so I can understand.
He is very impulsive, erratic, never thinks fully before making decisions, can get extremely angry over small things... If there is something said that he does not like, it is a complete personality shift to aggressive and threatening. Sometimes threatening to harm himself or do things that would hurt myself and my family such as shutting off the utilities, etc. etc.  He is unable to handle criticism, thinks through an ALL OR NOTHING lens no matter what the situation is. There is sometimes very little middle ground. His job goals have been erratic. He will decide one thing one day and another thing the next. When there was an issue on the road with another driver, he will speed and cut them off to get revenge, one time was driving in reverse on a main road and another time he has crashed a car on purpose. Other times, he would be drag racing with random people on the road, even once with his entire family in the car. It was at one time almost unbearable to be in the same car as him but that has settled down even though there are sporadic instances that occur. He has caused property damage as well to our personal property when angry. He never fully trusted me no matter how many years we have been together. I have done everything to help him but he still blames me for everything. He has left home for days and even months at a time. He had a strip club addiction. He has never been good with money... .he make unnecessary expenditures on things HE says in order to get one job or another that never pans out anyway. Many times he will just return items soon after he bought them. He really has put our family through chaos and hell. He has threatened to harm himself many times when he was away from home. I was always afraid for him to be at home AND away due to this. It has been a chaotic existence although some days and weeks are fine and things could go out without a hitch, but honestly there may be small bouts of his anger in that period as well. The decisions he makes never makes much sense to me. Though, given his personality, that can be very charming and loving at times, and then aggressive and threatening at other times is a lot to bear. On top of it, it appears he just USUALLY has LITTLE to NO EMPATHY at all for people or what he is doing. He just does not get how his actions affect people. Only a few times did I see great empathy and one of those times was when he was withdrawing from benzodiazepines. Many of the times though, he was only caring when he wanted something in return. But sometimes he can go to absolute hatred towards me and I find it unbearable due to the fact I have done so much and he has done nothing but cause problems. He has anxiety, nervousness, and social anxiety as well that prevented him from doing things every normal person has to do. As for fight or flight response, he normally chooses flight but can get aggressive other times as well. He cannot deal with any stress, even when it is doing almost nothing. The last incident that ended with authorities was due to his recent alcohol and/or drug use, which amplified his behavior.
I am just wondering if others have experienced similar with their loved ones.

[Mindfried]

Could he possibly be a narcissist. Either was seems like he went through alot at a young age which formulated his personality traits today. Hang in there. Better days are ahead.

[I Am Redeemed]

Hi stillcoping,

  welcome to BPD family.

Your experience sounds exhausting and stressful. It also sounds very similar to mine, so I can relate. I am sorry for the situation you are in.

My husband has been diagnosed with PTSD, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, substance abuse disorder and depression with psychotic symptoms. However, I don't think that any of those are completely accurate. He has never seen a psychologist or psychiatrist. He has refused medication and inpatient treatment.

Currently I am separated from him and in NC. Authorities were involved as well. His use of methamphetamine caused his already aggressive, impulsive and erratic behavior to amplify as well and I had to leave with my son for safety reasons.

He has paranoia and delusions. I also think he has several mental health issues that are currently undiagnosed. BPD and the other cluster b traits describe most of his behavior.

It's hard when we have a loved one who is wreaking havoc on our lives and we are struggling to find answers. I still try to figure out what exactly is going on mentally or pathologically speaking, but without his willingness to participate fully in treatment, our relationship is at a standstill. I have chosen to stay in NC in order to protect myself and my son.

How can we help support you best? Please continue posting, there are many members here who have great experience and knowledge.

Blessings and peace,

Redeemed

[Mustbeabetterway]

  stillcoping, along with I Am Redeemed, let me welcome you to BPD family.  I’m so sorry for all you have been through.  What you have described is very difficult to live with.  It’s good that you are looking for answers. 

I think you will find that many of us have lived  through similar situations.  We are a supportive community and I will think that many members will be willing to reply and help out.

How long have you been apart?  How are you doing now? 

Let us know.  We care,

Mustbe

[Mutt]

Hi stillcoping,



I’d like to join the others and welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry for the circumstances that led you to this site.  We can’t diagnose someone with BPD only a professional scan do that what we can look at are traits of the disorder.

You are correct BPD can have many comorbid mental illnesses in fact it’s a mental illness that has the most mental illnesss that over lap it can be difficult to spot because of that it can be comorbid with clinical depression,, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, BiP and other personality disorders.

I’d suggest to read other discussions and join them youlll probably see a lot of similarities with your story.