Personality difference or Personality disorder?

[Lien]

So I just posted on a more personal front, but this is a thought that I've had floating around in my head recently.

I really like the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Inventory. I have found it a very helpful tool in learning how to grow and learn about myself and my strengths and weaknesses, but also in learning how to relate to others. Of course, like any tool, it has limitations and can be misused, but I think it is great at showing a piece of the puzzle, which in this case is personality (there are also experiences, values, etc. to take into consideration!)

I type as an ENFJ, pretty distinctly, my husband as an ISTP. This has helped us immensely this past year in understanding how both of us deal with stress and conflict.  I decided recently to try to figure out the rest of the family and see how it all could interact (and how maybe it could help me understand his family), eventually stumbling upon ESFP as a pretty good guess of what my SIL is - she's so charming and delightful, and quite astute... .but also carrying the weaknesses of that personality type as well.

I'd be curious if others have also figured out their u/dBPD loved one's personality type. I'd also be curious if maybe I'm misapplying the uBPD label for my SIL and perhaps she's just a strong version of that personality type with all it's pros and cons.

Perhaps I'm just reacting to how her personality differs from mine as opposed to her possibly having BPD? How can one determine if it is a difference in personalities, or even an unhealthy ESTP vs a Personality Disorder (if they haven't been diagnosed)?

[Harri]

Perhaps I'm just reacting to how her personality differs from mine as opposed to her possibly having BPD? How can one determine if it is a difference in personalities, or even an unhealthy ESTP vs a Personality Disorder (if they haven't been diagnosed)?

Is it even possible?  I haven't a clue.  What you wrote here is interesting to me as I find people and all the ways we are different (and similar) to be fascinating and it is sort of a very informal hobby of mine to think about these things (not that I necessarily know anything though! heh heh)

What difference would it make for you if it is a personality disorder or just differences in personality that you are experiencing with your SIL?  Also, it is said that most of the people we talk about here are subclinical, meaning they have traits but not enough and not to the point of warranting a diagnosis. 

[Panda39]

Hi Lien,

Your question made me think of another thread I posted on recently which was kind of the same idea as what you are talking about... .what is "normal" vs "mental illness" and how do you define it.

Below are the criteria for BPD and it could be argued that nonBPD people demonstrate some of these behaviors... .having anxiety for example, who doesn't have anxiety at one time or another.

   Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

   A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized
   by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")
   Identity disturbance: Markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense
   of self

   Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging
   (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

   Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

   Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic
   sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely
   more than a few days)

   Chronic feelings of emptiness

   Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent
   displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

   Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

I've often thought with all of us our best traits can become our worst traits if taken too far. Compassion is wonderful until you forget to take care of yourself, Responsibility is great but if taken too far you can miss out on spontaneity, Being brave could become recklessness etc.

To me Personality vs Personality Disorder has to do with how extreme the behaviors become and are they negatively impacting the person's life and the lives of those closest to them.

This is the thread I spoke of above if you want to check it out... .   
What is the difference between a BPD relationship and just a "bad" relationship?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329626.msg13005396#msg13005396

Panda39
ISFJ 
https://www.16personalities.com/isfj-personality

[Turkish]

MB types are interesting and certainly popular.  They aren't,  however,  clinical definitions that can point to one thing or another aside from the rubrics of what they define.  This might help more in determining what might be going on given a possible PD:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder