I think I was involved in a BPD relationship and I didn't realize it until now.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I just finished reading the phases of a BPD relationship and they all ring true of my 1 1/2 year relationship. My ex just ended it again (3rd time) and I am feeling so many emotions - anger, sadness, loss, disappointment that I was so stupid to keep hoping it would get better, embarrassment. Each time we have parted he returned (and I let him) asking me why I dumped him. I never dumped him. He initiated the break up each time over minor insecurities. For whatever reason he always felt I would leave him. Even with a lot of reassurance it was never enough to convince him. From the start he told me he was a needy guy. I know that and I did my best to reassure him. I never quite knew where I stood with him. It has been very unsettling and heartbreaking. I want to just wish him the best but I'm so mad at him for messing w/me again. (I know I let him come back)

Anyway, I know he suffers from anxiety issues and panic attacks because we have discussed this and also because I have helped him through some attacks. I justified some of his behaviors because of his anxiety but I've always thought there was more to his unpredictability in the relationship. It seems like it's BPD but understanding what that is and if he has it will not bring back the relationship. Or what I thought was a relationship. Maybe it was just some fantasy idea of one in his head. Maybe he manipulated a good-hearted person?

I read this somewhere as the summary of being in a relationship with someone who has BPD: They love without measure those they will soon hate without reason.  How sad is that? I feel it and it hurts like hell.

Just venting. Thanks for reading.

[Estelle]

I just finished reading the phases of a BPD relationship and they all ring true of my 1 1/2 year relationship. My ex just ended it again (3rd time) and I am feeling so many emotions - anger, sadness, loss, disappointment that I was so stupid to keep hoping it would get better, embarrassment. Each time we have parted he returned (and I let him) asking me why I dumped him. I never dumped him. He initiated the break up each time over minor insecurities. For whatever reason he always felt I would leave him. Even with a lot of reassurance it was never enough to convince him. From the start he told me he was a needy guy. I know that and I did my best to reassure him. I never quite knew where I stood with him. It has been very unsettling and heartbreaking. I want to just wish him the best but I'm so mad at him for messing w/me again. (I know I let him come back)

Anyway, I know he suffers from anxiety issues and panic attacks because we have discussed this and also because I have helped him through some attacks. I justified some of his behaviors because of his anxiety but I've always thought there was more to his unpredictability in the relationship. It seems like it's BPD but understanding what that is and if he has it will not bring back the relationship. Or what I thought was a relationship. Maybe it was just some fantasy idea of one in his head. Maybe he manipulated a good-hearted person?

I read this somewhere as the summary of being in a relationship with someone who has BPD: They love without measure those they will soon hate without reason.  How sad is that? I feel it and it hurts like hell.

Just venting. Thanks for reading.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi and welcome to the board  

It sounds like you've been on a bit of a roller-coaster ride.  I'm sorry you had reason to seek out the information on BPD because of the things you're experiencing but glad you found us.  We can relate to the feelings stirred up by the confusing and difficult behaviour of a disordered partner. People who haven't had this in their lives can struggle to understand how deeply it can affect us. I'm sorry for your pain. It's really hard  

Maybe you'd like to share a little more about the types of behaviour you encountered. How long ago did he leave this time and how were things left between you? What are your hopes right now? We're here for you, so vent all you need. Writing about it helps. Also reading and joining other threads. We all support one another here. I'd also encourage you to check out the articles in the Tools menu at the top of the page. I found so much relief in knowing what I was experiencing was understood and made sense.

I'll look forward to hearing more of your story. You're not alone.  

Love and light x

[Oceanair]

Hi Estelle,
Thank you for posting.  I recently ended a relationship that "recycled" several times in a year and a half.  Your circumstances read similar to mine... .the displacement or misplacement of "blame"... .knowing that accusations are inaccurate and trying to adapt to circumstances that are so out of balance.
Anxiety played a huge part in my ex partners life as well... .
It's heartwrenching but there are brighter days ahead. 
I hope you post more about your feelings as they come up.