I think that the one thing that helped my wife the most introducing her to Brene Brown.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Zakade things actually for the first time in 10 years are getting better, so I want you to know there is hope.

ROE,

I too have been working on myself for about 10 years.  I only found out about BPD in the last 2 years but it seems  to have made a big difference.  I've listened to tons of different things looking for answers to my broken relationship.  My favorite was Tony Robbins and Stephen Covey.  I bought the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People on CD and have been using it every chance I get.  Even though I've listened to this hundreds of times over, I still learn something from it.  Not because I didn't hear it the last 99 times but I needed some level of understanding about something else for that sink in. 

I have implemented family meetings in my house that I use to talk about the stuff that I'm learning in the book.  My wife has been in these meetings in the past but not really checked in to what I'm saying.  These meetings weren't really for her anyway but a way to teach the kids different ways to handle things even if our family didn't always do it that way.  Over time my wife opened up to them a little more.

I think that the one thing that helped my wife the most introducing her to Brene Brown.  Brene is a researcher on shame.  The beauty of her books not only explains her research about shame but if you read them in the order she has written them, you see her journey through facing her own shame.  Shame is in us all to some degree or another.  She teaches you how to overcome it.  First step is to talk about it.  Shame loses a lot of power by talking about it.  That's why this is such a great outlet for people.  You don't have to worry about feeling ashamed because other people are struggling like everyone else here.

I think that shame is a very rampant problem among BPD.  I'm wondering if we start addressing this for pwBPD if it would make their accepting help easier then trying to convince them that they have a "metal illness".

[Zakade]

Zakade things actually for the first time in 10 years are getting better, so I want you to know there is hope.

ROE,

I too have been working on myself for about 10 years.  I only found out about BPD in the last 2 years but it seems  to have made a big difference.  I've listened to tons of different things looking for answers to my broken relationship.  My favorite was Tony Robbins and Stephen Covey.  I bought the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People on CD and have been using it every chance I get.  Even though I've listened to this hundreds of times over, I still learn something from it.  Not because I didn't hear it the last 99 times but I needed some level of understanding about something else for that sink in. 

I have implemented family meetings in my house that I use to talk about the stuff that I'm learning in the book.  My wife has been in these meetings in the past but not really checked in to what I'm saying.  These meetings weren't really for her anyway but a way to teach the kids different ways to handle things even if our family didn't always do it that way.  Over time my wife opened up to them a little more.

I think that the one thing that helped my wife the most introducing her to Brene Brown.  Brene is a researcher on shame.  The beauty of her books not only explains her research about shame but if you read them in the order she has written them, you see her journey through facing her own shame.  Shame is in us all to some degree or another.  She teaches you how to overcome it.  First step is to talk about it.  Shame loses a lot of power by talking about it.  That's why this is such a great outlet for people.  You don't have to worry about feeling ashamed because other people are struggling like everyone else here.

I think that shame is a very rampant problem among BPD.  I'm wondering if we start addressing this for pwBPD if it would make their accepting help easier then trying to convince them that they have a "metal illness".

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RolandOfEld]

I bought the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People on CD and have been using it every chance I get.

Zakade the 7 Habits is the single most important thing I ever read. There is no way I would be where I am now if I hadn't read it (several times). I first got it to try and save my marriage. But it wasn't until I learned about BPD that everything I read years back kicked in and saved my life. I've thought about doing a 7 habits specific post here for quite a while. 

Shame loses a lot of power by talking about it.  That's why this is such a great outlet for people.  You don't have to worry about feeling ashamed because other people are struggling like everyone else here.

My heart rate picked up when I was reading this part. Felt like it opened up so much, both about myself and people with BPD 9 my wife). I may have to check out this book. Thanks, Zakade.

~ROE

[Zakade]

ROE,

I'm writing this on my phone so this will be a little direct.

If you'd like help writing the post(s) for seven habits, I'd be happy to help.

If you are limited on read time, I'd read the gift of imperfection first (short read) followed by Daring Greatly.  They are a great progression.  Whatever you choose, try to read them in the order she wrote them.  Watch her TED talks too.  It will give you a sense of the books.

Great woman that struggles as much as us.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Zakade, I'll let you know when I get up my druthers and we can work on this together.

Thanks for the recommendation and I had a look at her videos. This was a big change I went through in the last year, understanding myself as a human that makes mistakes and being able to own them. 

~ROE

[Skip]

For any interested in an introduction to the or the author, we have a small video library here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=28.30;sort=subject

Listening to shame

Date: Mar-2012Minutes: 23:25
Listening to shame - Brené Brown

Also see:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=302852.0

We have a brief article on shame here:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/shame-powerful-painful-and-potentially-dangerous-emotion

[Skip]

I've thought about doing a 7 habits specific post here for quite a while.  

This is a great idea, guys.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Author: Stephen R. Covey Publisher: Simon & Schuster; Anniversary edition (2004) Paperback: 432 pages ISBN-10: 1451639619 ISBN-13: 9781451639612

The 7 Habits are: Be Proactive; Begin with the End in Mind; Put First Things First; Think Win/Win; Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood; Synergize; and Sharpen the Saw.