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Author Topic: Confusion in the midst of divorce  (Read 773 times)
Cat Familiar
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« Reply #30 on: January 08, 2019, 10:29:35 AM »

No matter what choice you make in the future, it's good that you examine where you're at now and where you've come from in the near past and in the distant past. That way the decision you make will be well-grounded in fact and history and not as influenced by the emotion of the moment.
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Nole99

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Relationship status: Married 20
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« Reply #31 on: January 09, 2019, 08:08:34 PM »

Following this post... .trying to figure out the right thing. Maybe just trying to commit to making a decision that my gut is telling me ... .
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Radcliff
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Fond memories, fella.


« Reply #32 on: February 03, 2019, 09:37:42 PM »

lonely38,

It's been a while.  How are you doing?

RC
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formflier
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WWW
« Reply #33 on: February 03, 2019, 10:20:26 PM »


I'm thinking this is the post you wanted me to elaborate on... right?

Lonely38

I don't disagree with your opinion of your husband.  There is a decent chance you are spot on.

I hope you would agree with me, that at the end of the day... .there is no way to know for sure.

I also would ask that you reflect on your reasoning for reconciliation and/or separation and challenge yourself if your reasons are about him or about you.

Think about the person that says "I'm not going to do xyz in this relationship because he can't/won't (abc)"

Think about the person that says "I'm going to have these types (fill in deliberate choices) of relationships in my life."  And then proceeds to have those types of relationships, which also means you don't have other types of relationships.

Do you see a big difference between those people or does it look like nitpicking to you?

FF


What specific questions do you have?  What thoughts were you having that brought you to raise this issue again?


Broadly... .this is a "mindset" or "process" post. 

Many people (including me... and still me to some extent) in relationships with a pwBPD will make most of their life decisions "relative" to what their pwBPD can or can't do (or our perception)

So... .I'm hoping to get you to think about your life if you figured out the life you want to live... .then proceeded to live that life and left the door open for people that want to join you (with your standards).

Realizing that some people may choose not to join you.

Let them react to you... .decide their lives based on your actions... .vice you deciding based on theirs.

OK... I'll hush and see if this clarifies and what you were thinking.

FF


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