Break up with B/NBD

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm going thru a break up & my ex is making crazy accusations regarding
me taking her stuff intentionally. I had to pack in a hurry to get out because
the craziness was unbearable & had others helping me so some stuff of hers
did get accidentally packed. I have returned every thing I've found.

Although, I have explained a zillion times what happened & why the crazy
accusations continue. It seems like a big distraction from the fact she has
been a complete jerk & now has to flip things to be the victim & bad mouth
me to her friends who I was friendly with.

Thanx in advance for any suggestions!

[Doggilama]

I'm going thru a break up & my ex is making crazy accusations regarding
me taking her stuff intentionally. I had to pack in a hurry to get out because
the craziness was unbearable & had others helping me so some stuff of hers
did get accidentally packed. I have returned every thing I've found.

Although, I have explained a zillion times what happened & why the crazy
accusations continue. It seems like a big distraction from the fact she has
been a complete jerk & now has to flip things to be the victim & bad mouth
me to her friends who I was friendly with.

Thanx in advance for any suggestions!

[once removed]

hi Doggilama,

who is she making the accusations to?

[CryWolf]

Thank you for sharing with us, if you don’t mind, can you share the accusations so we can better help?

You must be going through a lot at the moment. It can be difficult to think straight when you’re being blamed and accused of actions you possibly didn’t commit.

We’re here to help any way we can. Feel free to share with no judgement.

[Doggilama]

She is making accusations to me & badmouthing me to her friends. Some of whom I like. Mostly, I see the this is triggering old feelings of being blasted by my B/NPD mother & the crazy nuns in catholic school. I was at the affect at my mother's screaming at me & shaming me & beatings.

The way my ex ended the relationship was to chase after a friend of mine, then deny it, opt out of our couple's therapy & just destroy everything. By this time, I didn't want to be in the relationship so much either due to seeing the my ex was not acting like a sane stable person & wondering about the possibility of another B/NPD which I really don't need given I have a brother, mother, uncle, etc that all in this category. It seems to be a family problem.

What hurts most is being cast aside so callously especially after I helped her thru her mother's illness & death. It seems the nicer I was, the meaner she became, showing very little signs of appreciation. i thought maybe this was all about the shock & grief of her mom's loss. Now I am seeing signs from earlier on. She also inherited a lot of $ which went to her head in a not good way.

I had some real concerns re her behavior but then thought we would explore what was happening in therapy. Also, she has repeated over  & over our remaining friends.

Thanx for any suggestions -

[once removed]

immature people throw a lot of blame around during a breakup. this ought to pass soon... .its more a matter of weathering the storm, without escalating.

how are you holding up with the breakup?

we have a board for healing from a relationship with a BPD family member... .id really encourage you to do some work there, and tell us more so that we can help: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0

[Mutt]

Hi Doggilama,

Now I am seeing signs from earlier on.

I'm sorry that you're getting accused for things that you didn't do it feels frustrating especially when it comes from a pwBPD because you can feel like you're put up against a wall with no room to move, you're not given the benefit of the doubt.

What kinds of signs?