https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=327604.msg12987714#msg12987714I haven't been here in awhile. Above was my first post. An update to our situation. We are still estranged.
Dec. 14th, my mom passed away. She was terminally ill with Stage 4 cancer but sadly her heart gave out. My ED was there for most of my mom’s final journey. Thursday, prior to my mom having her angiogram, ED was there. Her grandmother wanted answers. Was asking her why? Why have you lied about checking on me? Why have you lied about moving your wedding up for me when you know I don’t support your relationship? Why have you done this to your family? Why all the lies?
She refused to answer, we starting arguing (not my finest moment) and she left.
There were complications after her procedure. She never recovered from it. I was at the hospital alone, my husband reached out to our daughter, explaining there had been complications. Her response ” I’m at dinner.” Surprisingly she showed up at 11 pm. Hugged me, we talked softly and I explained what had happened. She told me to get some rest, while she took the first shift insinuating that she would be with us through the night. She lasted an hour and a half and said she had to go. I didn’t argue or engage just told her it was fine.
At about 3 am, my mom seemed settled, I told my mom that I loved her but I was going to head home for some rest. My Husband would be here in the morning. She knew who I was. Told me she loved me and that I should get home to my family. Drive safe. I have that one coherent moment to hold on to and I am so grateful.
A few hours later after my husband arrived and my uBPD... she took her last breath. never having fully regained consciousness. I and my youngest daughter arrived shortly after.
My daughter behaved herself. She read the note my mom had left of her last wishes. No public announcement for 2 weeks. No pictures EVER on social media, no service etc.
After saying our goodbyes. we headed to my mom's apt. to find necessary documents that we would need and to check on her cats. My daughter starting calling dibs on things. I had already explained to her that her grandmother had requested we hold onto the valuables left to her as my mom did not want them pawned to support the man child she is marrying and his uncanny ability to build up fines. My husband let into her saying “Her body isn’t even cold yet” She left with so much hatred in her eyes stating we forced her out of the hospital (not true-she left of her own accord each time), we’re keeping memories from her. I just looked at her and told her she had 6 months she could have been making memories with her grandmother but chose to lie and betray her and her family. She left.
She didn’t come the next day as promised to help us start packing to which I had told her we will sort things then and if there is anything with meaning she could have then.
A friend of mine then told me she had announced her grandmothers passing the night before on Instagram with a picture of my mom looking very frail.
I lost it. I called and left a message demanding she take it down as she knew it wasn’t her grandmothers wishes. I also said if she doesn’t she hasn’t even begun to experience my wrath yet. Something I guess I shouldn’t have said as she called the police on me. I’m at my dads giving him the few items my mom wanted him to have and my husband says the police are on the phone.
Not one day of compassion, respect or peace to let us grieve. Once I explained to the officer that she disrespected her grandmothers wishes, he suggested we take a few weeks apart. I said no worries, it will be a hell of a lot longer than that.
I pray the Lord blesses her abundantly with as much love, compassion, and empathy she has shown her family.
I know my emotions are high and I am not handling things well but damn. I lost my mother and my daughter ( permanently) all on the same day.
Dec. 22 - after only 6 months of dating, an assault, 2 break-ups, my 21 year old daughter married. We did not attend, nor did any family that spoke up against her behaviour or his. They weren't invited. She has rewrote her whole history and victimized herself at our expense.
We received gifts for Christmas in the mail with professions of love and how much she misses us but whether it is him, her or a joint decision she will not come to our home. He is not welcome in our home. You assault our daughter, impersonate a cop, lie and have her pay your almost 3000 in fines and contribute to this isolation all while saying it's God's will, then no. Some have said I should just accept them. What if they make this work. What if they do? My daughter is unrecognizable and cruel. NC is what we will do for now. Setting boundaries while we grieve and heal.
Everything we say or do, even saying I love you is somehow twisted and used as ammunition against us. We have tried counselling, but to our daughter, once recommendations are made, the counselors are always wrong. The only 2 right in the world are these 2 emotionally immature, lying children and his Pastor Daddy and his church who all enable the bad behaviour.
I love her. I miss who she was but know I would never tolerate this behaviour from anyone else. That daughter is gone, enmeshed with a horrible human being who controls her. Who she chooses to mirror, quitting everything and everyone she loves.
There is quite literally, nothing my husband and I haven't tried. Not even the death of her grandmother could slow down this train wreck. My therapist told me…... put on you crash helmet and seat belt, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
