Bewildered. How do I avoid such contradictions?

[once removed]

what do you want to do? do you want to reconcile the relationship?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[Weejie]

what do you want to do? do you want to reconcile the relationship?

My head says I should not and my heart says I should. With her being a neighbour, it is so difficult to see her and be on a superficial level. On balance, I think I should give it one more shot.

[Weejie]

She phoned tonight and was quite OK. I now think that I'm going to try and bring the relationship back on. She is resigned to the opinion that it's all over and at least wants to remain friends. I feel that this is the woman that I love more than any partner in the past. If there is a way to steer things back on track, I will endeavour to do that. Now that I have figured out what her condition is, and having read here some ways of dealing with it, and dealing with myself, it might make a difference. I know it won't be easy, as she will never seek therapy, but she might not find anyone who will stand by her and feel more and more abandoned.
She might never want me as a partner again, but I can make an effort to bring things back.

[once removed]

what do you intend to do next?

[Weejie]

what do you intend to do next?

Go along with just being friends and neighbours to start with. Hopefully she will be able to talk to me about her feelings and trust me again at whatever level she can manage. I am expecting some times when she will drink or just become lonely enough to spill out some feelings. Some difficult times. If I can keep myself on track, things might improve.

[once removed]

that seems reasonable. its hard to repair things if the bridge is burned.

she could also change her mind. shes done this before, right? its fairly early yet.

[Weejie]

she could also change her mind. shes done this before, right? its fairly early yet.

She has not been so resolute before, but yes. She has done this before and changed her mind.
I think I will have to be more confident and not always there to make sure she doesn't fall. To let her fall, but help her up again. Does that make sense, or am I on the wrong track?

[once removed]

i think it makes a lot of sense. confidence is attractive and sexy.

were you not before?

[Weejie]

were you not before?

Yes, initially. However, her behaviour drained a lot of it away. There was obviously something wrong, but I couldn't work out what it was, and had no knowledge of how to deal with it. The eggshells began to accumulate.

[Weejie]

It seems to be going as predicted. She texted in the morning, both to wish my daughter a happy birthday and to thank me for some wood I bought and cut for her to make 'fairy houses' (they are amazing).
I left some birthday cake on her doorstep and texted her that it was there. Later, she phoned and was very nice, but felt she was looking for something to argue, if there was a way. I was careful in any response and there was no argument. She had done nothing but watch movies all day, which is unusual for her. She does like to keep active. We wished each other good night and that felt good.
I think she is realising how lonely this is making her feel. It certainly is making me feel lonely. When I drop my daughter off after our weekend contact, it always is a moment of sadness. This weekend it was extra sad.
I have to remain calm and patient. Not rise to any digs in her conversation. I miss physical contact greatly. I'm hoping that she does too.

[Harri]

This thread has been locked as it reached the post limit.  A new thread has been started here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=333177.0