Daughter's character assassination has me feeling isolated and anxious

[Begonia]

I'm feeling very isolated from my entire family due to the very successful casting of doubt about my character to others by my adult daughter. I am feeling isolated & deeply saddened by her strange & exaggerated assassination of my character.

Due to feeling anxious about having any contact with other family members (due to her slanderous eloquence in my character assassination), I have completely withdrawn from all of them, causing great pain that I can't seem to shake. It was my therapist that pointed out the possibility that my daughter may be borderline & urged me to do some reading & research. My therapist (a doctor of clinical psychology & practicing for 30 years) has expressed with some confidence (though qualifies it by the fact that she has not ever met my daughter), that my daughter fits the diagnosis. It never dawned on me that she might be suffering with this painful affliction; all this time, as her accusations have escalated over the years, I thought it was me. Maybe it is me, but the more I read & work on this, the more I am coming to believe that perhaps she is borderline.

My daughters overreactions to anything that I say, do or don't do have snowballed in the last 2 years - ever since she went into crisis when she was let go from her high level job (due to casting doubt on the CEO of the company & causing a cultural problem within the company), & she has not worked since (does not have financial need). She is highly educated, beautiful, highly regarded, married 16 years to a successful politician, & they have no children.

I have not seen or talked with her in 13 months. I have only received her sideways accusations & mischaracterizations through others. Subsequently, I have not seen or talked with my darling son-in-law, her husband, in as many months  - & others who are important to me.

I have lived in the same small-ish town for 34 years & am much beloved & respected in my community & devoted my life to the raising of my 3 children (& worked). I am not old, but neither am I young. I am not afraid of honestly examining my own behaviors & my contributions to this quandary & very painful loss that I am grieving. I am feeling very stuck & never dreamed that my family would devolve into this fractured, desolate, loveless & unkind place of isolation from those I love the most.

Comments anyone? I've never joined an online community before, so this is a whole new ball game for me. I'm not quite sure how this works. I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi Begonia and welcome to BPD Family.

Though I'm very sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here, I'm glad you found us and that you are reaching out for support for yourself. You are definitely not alone in feeling isolated, anxious, and alone. Many parents here will relate with what you've shared and we are all here supporting each other.

It must be very painful to hear of things your daughter has told others. It makes sense that you'd feel anxious about contact with family members, as well as sadness as a result of having withdrawn yourself from them.

As you look around the site, you'll find many many resources for healing, learning, and information. Here's a good place to start:

How to get the most out of this site

You've found a very supportive, caring, and non-judgmental place on the internet. I hope you settle in and become part of the community here, we get it and we are here for each other as we learn and grow together.

What led to no-contact with your daughter 18 months ago?

~ OH

[DharmaGate]

Welcome !

[SkellyII]

Hi Begonia,

We can definitely relate to the things going on in your life. I'm in the middle of a similar situation with my 16yr old daughter. I've found that it's important to maintain contact with friends and other family members to keep me sane through this.

I noticed you mentioned that you have 2 other children. Are you able to maintain a relationship with them, or has this daughter damaged those relationships as well?

As always, remember self-care is very important when dealing with someone with mental health issues.

Take care.