Hi Copycat, Sandb2015 and Harry
Thank you so much for your responses. I am very happy to be able to speak to people who directly understand the problem for their own lives.
(I'll try to answer you in this same post)
Copycat 2018 said: "I used to think that my hb was outrageous that I looked healthy next to him and well functioning however the view that we both have issues makes Sense to me".
I really agree with that. I've been doing therapy for a long time. Today, I do two therapies. My older therapist has recommended that I go back to another therapy as well to see if it helps me understand how damaging the relationship is.
Of course there is a kind of denial on my part.
I know there are many questions. I'll try to put some, Harry.
I'm 48 years old, I've been married. I have 3 daughters. But, I had never lived the love, according to my point of view.
I've known my new wife for 10 years. I was in love. But she did not want to date. After about 4 years, we had a courtship that lasted little. we had meetings without commitment until 2017. At the end of the year I gave an ultimatum and said that if we did not stay together, we would end.
Since March 2018 we are living together. we lived great moments together, moments of love and complicity. I finally said to someone, from the bottom of my heart: I love you.
This, among other things, may make me do everything to avoid conflicts in the relationship. The point is that a part inside me, for some problems, does not accept that attitude that it has taken and is getting in the consciousness an answer or an attitude on my part. In general, this starts to generate anger within me.
Then there's a kind of lie to her. I say it's okay, but it's not really. I do this because I know that if I told the truth there would be some sort of quarrel or bad mood on her part.
I'll give you an example: one of the things she does is spend more than she has, borrow me to help her, tell a kind of story, but not pay me when her repayment day arrives, or not give me enough explanations about it.
I do not remember if in October or November she said that the salary was not paid and I lent the amount of the salary and a little more so that she would pay me when the back wage was paid.
Usually, she would not pay if I did not bring it up. I need to touch the subject. She, in addition to not explaining enough, is in a bad mood and can still start with accusations etc. The worst thing is that often this is done with aggressiveness in the tone of voice. In general, I respond to this hostility with my restrained anger. Then, I lose control, I scream and say things that were kept inside me.
This is repeated often and in relation to other subjects as well.
Thank you for being here.
Sorry for writing so much.
Lannos
