I can relate to the raging and withholding of grandchildren,
Mamaw2. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this from your daughter.
My daughter is 25 (DD25) and her son, my only grandchild, is 4 (GS4). They've lived with me (this time) since 4/2018 and I found BPD Family in 9/2018. As was the case with every other time she had lived with me, we'd gotten into our same old habits of dysfunction; her rages and my rescuing and being wishy-washy with boundaries.
I walked on eggshells to avoid her moving out and withholding my GS from me as she'd done (briefly) in the past. Like
Lollypop said, finding BPD Family has been wonderful for me and, indirectly, for my DD. After reading and posting here, and with the help of my therapist (T), I've become stronger and more confident when I'm communicating with my DD and things have improved. I'm also learning all I can about BPD and learning compassion and empathy for the ways she struggles.
That's a bit of my story, and I don't mean to imply that it's been an easy journey, far from it. I hope by telling you more about my experience that you will see that there is hope.
There are a lot of great articles here and I encourage you to read all you can, keep posting, read and post in other threads, we all support each other and learn together.
I thought of this article when you mentioned the 12 phone calls a day - that must be exhausting!
Communicating BoundariesI'm also going to put this link here, to a thread that's pinned to the top of this board,
HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE It's got all of the site's best articles, but there are many many more!
Do you have any support in real life? A therapist?
I hope you stick around, there's real value in sharing and learning together.
~ OH