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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Today is my STBX's Birthday  (Read 371 times)
toomanydogs
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living Apart
Posts: 561



« on: January 17, 2019, 12:16:25 PM »

Not trying to be bitchy or horrible here, but today is my STBX's birthday. And today my hair looks gorgeous. Today I weigh 115, twenty pounds less than I weighed in high school. Today I feel gorgeous and smart and loved and strong and talented and accomplished. And today is my STBX's birthday.
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Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world... Einstein
worriedStepmom
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 1157


« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2019, 01:48:24 PM »

That's one of the things that struck me during my divorce, too.  Once I started putting more of an emphasis on ME - not just the wife or the mom or the housekeeper or any of my other roles - just ME, I discovered I liked myself a lot.  I adopted healthier habits and actually took care of myself for once.

I'm so glad you've found that sweet spot for yourself.  YOU are important and YOU deserve to be taken care of.
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SamwizeGamgee
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Relationship status: Separated
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« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2019, 03:37:40 PM »

Awesome!  Thanks for the positive vibe - positive from noticing you, yourself!
I think I too have felt a little of the joy over the past few years - of doing something for myself.  And letting down one or more of the expectations of my wife.
"Healthy Selfish" is the new guy replacing the Caretaker. 
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Live like you mean it.
toomanydogs
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living Apart
Posts: 561



« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2019, 05:43:28 PM »

Thank you, Worried. And thank you, Samwise!
I'm feeling pretty darn good today. What a difference a year makes.   

TMD
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Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world... Einstein
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