Ex and her 'latest flame' have now parted

[Coastered]

So I learnt from a mutual friend that my ex and her 'latest' partner have just split up.  Apparently, the man she was dating was 'just another emotionally unavailable man' and obviously the blame lies squarely at his feet.  (He is this and that, obviously nothing to do with her)

Not sure what to make of it, her friend says 'there is always hope for us' but I am not sure, even if this happened I could ever go through all this again.  That being said the chance of her painting me white again would be a million to one.

Never in my life has a relationship confused me as much as this one had.  Not even close.

[Coastered]

another emotionally unavailable man

Really the things they say... .they know how to boil your blood.

[Cromwell]

I actually wish I could have had this inscribed by my ex on my relationship epitaph, I would have seen it as a compliment.

yet, when it came to emotions, I 'reciprocated' the cues and went all-in. Hook, Line and Sinker.

I read those words a different way, sort of like feeding them through an enigma decoding machine. What it churns out is "a guy saw the red flags and my true colours too easily, too soon"

and didnt fully go for the bait on the hooks.

Either way, however you interpret it - it is a resentful "sour grapes" post and whatever she is doing has not worked out how she had intended.

[Coastered]

In all honesty, its Friday, what I got accustomed to get to know as "Blow Up Friday" - you could set a calendar by her.  They'll probably be back together by the weekend.  I've been there.

This is the sixth person in three years now and we are all the guilty ones... .When do you think "is it them or is it me"?

[Cromwell]

In all honesty, its Friday, what I got accustomed to get to know as "Blow Up Friday" - you could set a calendar by her.  They'll probably be back together by the weekend.  I've been there.

This is the sixth person in three years now and we are all the guilty ones... .When do you think "is it them or is it me"?

It takes two to tango.

If she has become accustomed to getting her Blow Up Friday, in the knowledge that there will be a recycle again on Monday because it has now became almost an expected script - the only thing that can alter this is the one who chooses to play along to it.

Why would anyone PD or otherwise, have any intention to self blame or seek to make changes in their approach to life - if what they are doing simply works each time due to it being enabled?

I have been guilty of perpetuating it, enabling it, and I could also set my BPDx's behaviour like clockwork too. But I dont think in terms of guilt beyond "forgive him OLord for he did not know what he was doing"

Its interesting how you can look now at the situation from an outlier perspective, it was hard for me to see the wood for the trees and even recognise what was happening when it just starts to unfold like groundhog day and you dont really see a split up as a split up, whn the words "I never want to see you again in my life", become a code for "expect a phone call for breakfast tomorrow morning".

she never once had a gun to my head, I was free to leave these scripts at any time. I dont think i can say I accept "guilt" for the choice I made, just that I accept the consequences of my free will that led me to want to return each time.

[Al Kaseltzer]

Not sure what to make of it, her friend says 'there is always hope for us' but I am not sure, even if this happened I could ever go through all this again.  That being said the chance of her painting me white again would be a million to one.

Never in my life has a relationship confused me as much as this one had.  Not even close.

Isn't that the sickest part of this? That on one hand you can look at it like, hey there's hope for another go around but at the same time why would we ever want to be sucked into this ever again?  Lately I have been battling these polar opposite thoughts daily. Wanting to hear from them one day tell me theyre single but also being terrified of ever hearing from them again.

[Lucky Jim]

her friend says 'there is always hope for us' but I am not sure, even if this happened I could ever go through all this again.  That being said the chance of her painting me white again would be a million to one.

Hey Coastered, It sounds like you would be interested in a recycle, if the opportunity should present itself.  Does that sum it up?  If so, what makes you think it would go differently next time, if there is a next time?  I know these are tough questions.

LuckyJim

[Coastered]

There will not be a recycle.  I am permanently painted black.  She rewrote history from her dumping me for not passing my car test to cheating on her.

She smeared me all over Facebook, texted all my family and friends and hers as well about how much of an idiot i was, she couldn't go back now.  So off she goes from relationship to relationship making the same mistakes and blaming everyone else except herself.  Never growing, never learning.

I do miss her and I do love her but I love myself and my mental health more.  I just do not think I could do it to myself again.

... .I hope... .

[Coastered]

Cromwell I agree with a lot of what you said as well.  No, there was no gun to my head but a toxic bond plays with our head in such a way, at times, there might as well had been one.  Suicide threats, good times, bad times, good times, bad times switches.  Nothing is black and white.

You do raise an interesting point though.  I do accept my part in the problems.

[once removed]

... .I hope... .

if you are thinking about rekindling the relationship, post on the Bettering board, work constructively, get a plan (you dont have to be in a committed relationship to do this).

about 4/5 times i see members considering this come on Detaching, vent about their ex, jump back in without a plan, go underwater from their support group, the relationship crashes and burns, then theyre back to Detaching to vent, feeling even worse.

in whatever you do, take a grounded approach here.

[Coastered]

It was a bit of sarcasm.  We won't ever be together.  The top part of my post explained that.

Sorry for the confusion