Mom triggering my CPTSD with BPD and NPD

[LillieLove]

To start, I've only recently gotten effective help for my own CPTSD.
When my mom (with untreated BPD &NPD) heard my adult daughter (with untreated BPD) had "split" and moved in with her new bf (who sexually assaulted me, triggering my CPTSD) she agreed that the remaining $ she set aside for college only shouldn't be handed over to be wasted.
A month later she had changed her mind without talking to me. When I asked why she went back on our agreement she brought up my having been suicidal a whole ago as a reason to question my judgement about the current situation. (Hurtful)
And questioned my veracity about her ex bf coming on to me. (Triggered my CPTSD, she questioned abuse by my ex stepfather in the past when I was 17)
^her ex did it 16 years ago and admitted to what he'd done.
With all the drama, I do have a sister and half brother living about 800 miles away. Our relationships have been strained and polluted by our parents' (mostly mom) games.
I feel alone in the world, I was the "favored" one in my siblings eyes, but now I find I'm just the most disfunctional kid in mom's eyes.
Although siblings love me, I get such a distorted sense of Self.
I'd been getting somewhere with my own mental health. But mom and daughter splitting at the same time and retraumatizing me by questioning reality and *me has me for a loop.
I'm a bit of a workaholic when my chronic pain allows.
I've lived for my daughter since she was born, I recently started seeing worth in my self and even started getting to know me.
Seems now I've started getting better, they both are trying thier darnest to destroy me.
My new insurance doesn't cover counseling, and frankly I don't know that I want to pay someone to "see me".
I'm scared though. I'm scared my daughter will self destruct, and I'm scared my siblings will always see our mom(I look more like her as I age☹️)
I'm open to advise and suggestions. Mostly, I'm just saying hi and testing the waters.
If I had one question, I guess it would be this: has anyone here gone from socially isolated to having a healthy social life after 42+ years? My parents moved us around more than 50 times before I turned 18 and everyone was always a temporary friend. I don't have childhood friends and I didn't attend college. Statistics say I'm in for lite versions of friendship since I didn't form those bonds early in life. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be all alone than keep making friends with BPD, NPD, or schitzophrenia (I used to be a magnet)
That's most of it in a nutshell. I am married, but my hubby has some memory problems.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board.   

Several of us here have been diagnosed with PTSD and also have family members who have either BPD or BPD traits (among other things).  Being raised by dysfunctional parents and all that that entails is hard to manage but it can be done.  You are not alone and we get it here.     We can help support you as you work your way through this too. 

It is always good if you can get professional help but if you can't it is possible to work on recovery on your own.  We talk about tools and skills here that help us cope and manage some of our feelings and symptoms of PTSD too.

You ask: 

If I had one question, I guess it would be this: has anyone here gone from socially isolated to having a healthy social life after 42+ years? My parents moved us around more than 50 times before I turned 18 and everyone was always a temporary friend. I don't have childhood friends and I didn't attend college. Statistics say I'm in for lite versions of friendship since I didn't form those bonds early in life. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be all alone than keep making friends with BPD, NPD, or schitzophrenia (I used to be a magnet)
That's most of it in a nutshell. I am married, but my hubby has some memory problems.

I struggle with personal relationships as well even after a lot of recovery work.  I have made some progress but I too don't think I will have a more typical social life.  The fact that you were able to get in a relationship and married is impressive to me and gives me hope for you turning things around at least a bit.  We have many members here who are working on the same thing.

What do you think keeps you from having more healthy relationships?

[DharmaGate]

LillieLove,
I think it is very wise to test the waters      I think you will fit right in here, if you want to.  Many of us have the complicated family dynamics you describe, I do, If you haven't visited it yet you might enjoy the parent/child board too.

Hope you join in, read an article, post a question, support someone else, post goals or introduction, whatever you are comfortable with.  a big Welcome to you!