Valentines day...

[Sandb2015]

To everyone here on the bettering section of the board... .and everyone else of course!

Be your own Valentine today!

I've been in this mess less than many here and I just had a screwed Christmas, (New Year's was awesome then bad 1/2), my birthday and today (2/14), soon to be 3/19, a holy anniversary day for me obviously.  The fact is Ive read of all the special days that have been destroyed in our lives because we love someone with some variation of a personality disorder.  I see being able to have those days again better than this year either way.


Today is your day, treat yourself to something special and it could be something so small, just do it.

I'm ruminating, can't wait for my next T session, wondering wildly and trying to calm down by send this message to each and everyone of you - that's my something special.


Advice to self, I am the grand sage as I've been called throughout my life, I'm not sure how true.

I will try for once to take my own advice.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[theuproar]

You know, normally, I don't care at all about holidays, but this Valentine's Day is hitting me hard.  It's also her birthday.  She was having meltdowns last night, again this morning, and she'll of course have more tomorrow I'm sure.  I paid for a cruise for her birthday, and we leave for it tomorrow, but I'm convinced the whirlwind isn't over yet.   

And then looking at photos of a lot of my friends and their SOs, I got incredibly sad.  You can see how many (not all, but many) of our friends have very calm, mature, and deep connections, and they're showing mutual appreciation for each other today.  They each express their gratitude and might share a memory, and they're doing things for each other.  Me?  I had a surprise party for her last Sunday, took her to get a pedicure last night, brought her Valentine's gifts today, we have another event I planned going on tonight, and then we leave for the cruise tomorrow (birthday and V-Day, remember).  I've supported her throughout her ups and downs the last few days, and have successfully acknowledged her feelings repeatedly.  Not a thank you, not an I love you.  No quick Facebook post (stupid, I know, but I'll take anything at this point), not a f****** ounce of gratitude. 

I don't need a trophy.  I just want to be acknowledged.   

[Sandb2015]

theuproar,

You sound awesome, give yourself recognition, pat yourself on the back, allow YOURSELF to feel good, appreciation my come later or not, but better days are ahead.

I wish I had mine even in that condition today, for all I know there is a 50/50 chance she is going out tonight with someone that's not me and not thinking about me at all.  So much negative projection, I can't help it, it's overwhelming. I can't wait for today to be up.

If you can, feel good about all the thought you are putting into a special time.

Scott

[theuproar]

Thank you, genuinely.  I'm trying.

[FJM]

Had an anxiety breakdown today like 8PM. Fck**** Valentines... .when i was driving back home i was thinking in all of you, how were you dealin with this particular date. Love you all.

[Red5]

Evening y’all... .it’s after one AM here and I’m wide awake... .lost in thought, reckon just wanted to say hello, and “see y’all on the path here”.

May good karma and warm sunshine be upon everyone when the sun rises up out of the Atlantic in a few hours!

Red5

[theuproar]

Wow, yesterday was rough.  After all I've done, I still haven't received a thank you or any kind of identifiable gratitude. 

We went to play bingo with friends and then had a couple of drinks afterward.  She was happy, talkative, and fun while we were out with friends, and was even being affectionate to me.  Then, like clockwork, on the way home she started to lay into me.  I'm too insecure, I annoy her, I left the orange juice out in the morning and "ruined" it, I didn't call Little Caesars to complain about her pizza being wrong... .  I mean the list goes on and on.

Then, when we get home, I find out that she made this really sweet Valentine's gift/surprise for me.  There were flowers, a notebook with things she loves about me, a framed photo of us, and a couple of other things.  Awesome, right?  Well, not really.  She said she wanted to sit and talk, so I asked her if everything was ok because she's been much more irritable than usual and I'M CONCERNED.  Asking is how normal folks show concern.  This caused her to roll her eyes and get furious.  She then said I wasn't excited enough about the gifts (which is not at all true) and told me "not to do this to her on her birthday" (which is also Valentine's Day).  Everything was being turned against me.  I calmly pointed out that she was fine around friends, but I felt like as soon as we left them she started laying into me and it hurt.  This infuriated her again.  At this point, I know I can't say anything right.  Still no Happy Valentine's Day, no thank you, nothing.  I feel asleep horribly depressed for the thousandth night in a row.  Despite the amazing gifts she got me, it came with nothing but anger, and it very, very clearly felt like she did those things because she feels like she has to and not because she loves me for me.

If she won't talk to me about our relationship, how will it ever get better?  And on top of that, the fact that she won't talk about it leads me to believe that she is unhappy and doesn't want to address it.  If she is happy about something, she is usually excited to talk about it and let everyone know.

Am I misinterpreting signals here?

[Sandb2015]

uproar,

The thing I know I've done my whole life is in my face now, fear of confronting, I've judged so many others of doing the same without knowing I was probably worse.

When things were "bad", I would rather stay quite and eventually get moody hold the other accountable to read my mind or think that if they were making any effort at all, they should know what is bothering me and fix it.  Such BS!

I've learned so far that pain is the greatest teacher and causes self awareness.

Unfortunately, my current rs is something where I did that a whole lot less and could have done it a whole lot more.  I didn't have moods due to communicating in this rs.  I've had more intimacy (communication, understanding, acceptance etc. than ever).

Always afraid of what I can't control in another when I can't control anything anyway.

Uproar, take a step back, look for an opening, don't be soo intune, that's where many of us get lost.

Go to the mirror, take a hard look and feel yourself and nothing else.

Scott