Just need some clarification

[Dazzlers]

My ex has stated that she has BPD. But I also believe she may be a narcissist. I wanted kids at some point in life. She didn’t. But she did before. We even had names picked out but somewhere along the way she must have changed her mind. So when I brought up I must have triggered her fear or abandonment. Because when I brought it up we almost broke up. And she said “You’ll never find someone better than me.”

We got into what I thought was a minor fight on December 20th and she ended up giving me the silent treatment for 11 days. I tried everything to get her to reply to me. Texted her mom, texted her friend. Nothing worked.

New Year’s Eve came around and I woke up to a phone call basically her saying it was never gonna work and all that stuff. But a few hours later I made the stupid mistake of begging her not to leave. I think she blocked my number after that.

16 days later I got a call from a No Caller ID, I didn’t believe it would be her so I answered it. She had no reason for calling me. She even said she didn’t know why she called. But that didn’t stop her from calling me two more times that day. She still didn’t want to get back with me so I decided to ignore her if she ever called again. Which she did.

Once she realized I was strong enough to ignore her calls I started getting texts. In one text she told me she was suicidal so I HAD to respond to that. I think she knew I would, too.

Probably a few days after she text me saying is there any chance we could be friends. I said no to that because I know that would destroy my mentality.

On January 29th I got spammed with phone calls and messages. I knew she was gonna ring me on this day. Mainly because a video game that we’ve been waiting years for to come out came out on that day. I answered and she said she physically can’t bring herself to play the game because of me. She was crying and all that. We were on the phone for awhile. I couldn’t bring myself to hang up. Neither could she. And I made the huge mistake of telling her that I still love her. But I managed to hang up anyway.

9 days passed and I was drunk and I was thinking about the fact that I never got closure. So I decided to call her at about 4am but it went straight to voicemail so I think my number was blocked. But she heard a voicemail of me breathing.

The next morning she was insanely angry at me for calling. And said a lot of things that would hurt me. She said she was finally starting to get me out of her mind and I ruined that for her.
She called again later that day even more angry. But I don’t remember what was said.

I have this friend who moved to Scotland a few years back. My ex didn’t like this girl so when my ex left me I decided to reconnect with her. When my ex found out about that she literally thought I was dating this girl. She messaged her on Instagram and said “have fun with my leftovers, hope he doesn’t ruin your life like he did mine”. No idea why she thought I was dating a girl who lives in a different country but whatever.
When she found out I was talking to this girl she called me. Again saying more hurtful ___. But later on that day she called me again and she was surprisingly nice to me. She still wanted us to be friends but again I declined the offer. We had a good talk but once the talk was over I hadn’t heard from her since. That was two weeks ago.

But about an hour ago, I got 6 “No Caller ID” calls in the spaces of like 5 minutes. I didn’t answer. But I’m 100% sure it was her. No one ever calls me. Especially at 1:30am. But she has college tomorrow so I have no idea why she’s calling me so late. I assume she’s drunk or something.
But I’m glad I was strong enough to resist the urge of answering. And I know she wasn’t calling to say anything important because she could have texted me what this was about. So I guess she was just craving attention.

She has told me she has BPD. But the reason I think she’s a narcissist is because the love bombing was insane. She told me she could never find anyone else attractive but me. Kept making me promise to never leave. Constant need for attention and reassurance. Kept saying “So when are we getting married?” Then all of a sudden I bring up the topic of having kids and everything changed all of a sudden.
I stayed over at her house the day before we broke up. I could tell something was off. But a few hours after I left her house she blocked me for 11 days  without any hesitation. So over the Christmas I was left waiting and wondering what the hell was happening. I was an absolute mess. And she knew I would be a mess but did it anyway. She said the breakup was coming for awhile but couldn’t bring herself to do it in person. But I still think it was beyond cowardly the way she did it. And she never apologized for it either.
It’s so strange how one day we’re exchanging Christmas gifts and then 24 hours later I get the silent treatment.

One of the times she called me she said she was happy, but also said she self harmed recently. Which she hasn’t done in years. So I don’t understand what kind of game she’s playing.

What are your guys opinion? Do you believe she is a narcissist or am I just trying trying to make up excuses as to why she left? Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

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[Copycat2018]

Hello,
I do think that BPD.is a form of narcissism and so the answer to your question from me is that she is both.
If you decide to continue the relationship  with her you need to do it being well aware of what the above information means or can mean to you.

What is your age? How many relationships have you had? Can you and do you want to take on such a challenge as this relatioship has been so far?

It is not clear whether you want her around and if yes, why?
It seems from what you write that you do want a romantic relationship with her.

Looking back at your history with her, why would you want a romantic relatioship with her?

I understand that emotions are irracional, since i am in a relationship with a man who also fits the above psychological disorder descriptions. For the most part of our long relationship i blamed myself and thought that all that went wrong was my fault.
Do you have feelings that you did something wrong and that is why she broke up with you?
But then if you correct your wrong behaviour she would then accept you and you would get the love you want and deserve?

Do you think after answering the above questions (with yes, i assume) that is likely to what is going to happen?

[once removed]

what you describe is pretty "BPDish" stuff. its not that its unique to BPD, but over the top expressions, eagerness for commitment, and idealization of romantic partners are very common for someone with BPD traits.

do you want to get back with her? do you want to release with grace? not sure?