Just discovering mother has BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

After so many years of suffering and being confused  about my relationship with my mother, I finally stopped contact with her about 6 weeks ago because I didn’t know what else to do. I spoke with my father, her ex husband now social worker, about the situation. They divorced nearly 20 years ago after an 18 year marriage. He told me he thinks my mother has BPD and recommended the book. So far everything fits the bill perfectly. I am seeking help because I see how possessive she is over my own children, just like she once was of me, and I won’t stand by and allow them to feel the pain I’ve felt for so many years. I need to protect them. I also need to learn how to cope and set boundaries with her.

[HurtDaughter26]

Hello,

After so many years of suffering and being confused  about my relationship with my mother, I finally stopped contact with her about 6 weeks ago because I didn’t know what else to do. I spoke with my father, her ex husband now social worker, about the situation. They divorced nearly 20 years ago after an 18 year marriage. He told me he thinks my mother has BPD and recommended the book. So far everything fits the bill perfectly. I am seeking help because I see how possessive she is over my own children, just like she once was of me, and I won’t stand by and allow them to feel the pain I’ve felt for so many years. I need to protect them. I also need to learn how to cope and set boundaries with her.

[No-One]

HurtDaughter26:

Welcome!  I'm sorry about the circumstances that brought you here.  I think you will find this a safe place with helpful people.  It's a good place to explore/learn strategies and skills to make things easier for you. 

It's good to hear that you want to set some boundaries.  Boundaries are things that you control and enforce.  Your mom probably won't like boundaries, but how she reacts is her choice. 

What book are you reading? What are some boundaries you want to start out with?

[Harri]

Hello and welcome!  I am glad you found.  It is good that you are reaching out for support. 

Was there a specific event that prompted you to go no contact?  That is a pretty big and difficult decision to make.  How are you coping with it?  Did you tell you mom that you wanted a break?

Share more if you'd like.  It helps us help you if you share more. 

We do have information on boundaries that is very helpful.  Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits is an excellent article and links to more info at the end.   Lets talk about it. 

[HappyChappy]

Welcome HurtDaughter26,

I also realised my mom had BPD when she applied her parenting skills on my kids. Apparently that's a common trigger to bring all the unexplained things back our of our subconscious. Great that you Dad is on board with his, great that you’ve found this forum. What sort of boundaries do you think will be appropriate ?