Sword of Damocles

[Parents! Get help here!]

I have an adult child with BPD.  She is going to therapy and is considering medication for anxiety and depression.  There has been a lot of co-dependency and enmeshment in our relationship but I’ve worked on setting boundaries.  More on that later.  My brother was diagnosed with a personality disorder and committed suicide at 45.  While my daughter says she would never kill herself, in the same breath she talks about  thinking about dying everyday.  I feel like I have the Sword of Damacles over my head and am waiting everyday for that dreaded phone call that the switch final flipped and she killed herself.  I need to find a way to not feel that way.

[Meemsman]

I have an adult child with BPD.  She is going to therapy and is considering medication for anxiety and depression.  There has been a lot of co-dependency and enmeshment in our relationship but I’ve worked on setting boundaries.  More on that later.  My brother was diagnosed with a personality disorder and committed suicide at 45.  While my daughter says she would never kill herself, in the same breath she talks about  thinking about dying everyday.  I feel like I have the Sword of Damacles over my head and am waiting everyday for that dreaded phone call that the switch final flipped and she killed herself.  I need to find a way to not feel that way.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Oh Meemsman...what a terrible, terrible burden for you to carry with you every day!  I am so sorry that you lost your brother to suicide.  I am so sorry that the uncertainty regarding your daughter's well-being hangs over your head is a constant.

I am welcoming you here and sending you a ((HUG).

I so agree with you that you need to find a way to lift/ease this burden and I hope by participating in this forum, hearing from others who walk in similar shoes, that some of the weight will be lifted.

It is encouraging to read that your daughter is in therapy and that she is considering medication for anxiety and depression.  There is hope.  The key word there, though, is "considering."  She can't be forced and I am sure you tread gently when trying to sway her decision.

What kind of support do you have for yourself, Meemsman?   Are there supportive family members, friends whom you are able to turn to?  Have you, yourself, ever gone to counselling to help you in dealing with your brother's death and/or how to better interact with your daughter?

Be confident in knowing that this is a safe, caring, supportive environment...a place you can come to 24/7 to pour out your heart and your hurts.  If you have spent any time in reading over the different threads/post of others here, you will realize that while stories differ, there are similarities.  It helps one to know that they are not alone.

Once again, Meemsman, welcome.

Huat

[Mirsa]

Welcome Meemsman,

It is indeed breathtakingly scary when a child threatens to harm themselves.  And with the loss of a family member already, I'm sure this is really painful and very real for you.  I hope you keep coming back.  This is a great place to sort out the mix of feelings and emotional rollercoaster that comes with these issues.

Mirsa

[Meemsman]

I appreciate the two responses that I've received so far.  I will check in routinely in hopes of getting some relief.  My daughter is about 4 days into taking medication and continues with her weekly therapy.  She starts a full time job on the first of April which is creating some anxiety for her but hopefully things will work out.  Thanks for your caring responses.

[stampingt1]

Welcome!

So sorry about your brother! Glad that your daughter goes to therapy weekly & is starting meds. Unfortunately, BPD is definitely a rollercoaster life.

Hope her new job goes well!