Irish1477, you are legitimate in placing the majority of the blame on your mother. Yeah, the stepdad was a prick, but who allowed him in? Time and time again? No charges pressed.
I’m assuming that you have Irish blood by your screen name. A lot of resiliencey comes with that.
I’m glad to know that you’re in therapy. I am as well. I’ll say this, the therapy that I’m in wouldn’t be working without this community.
You know, you gave one story. I know how bad your childhood was. You recognize that your mom didn’t protect you. That’s a lot to sit with.
The important thing to keep at the front of your mind is that you’re here in the present when those bad memories and triggers come up.
As a child, my step-dad was the big bad wolf in my story. He was always to blame, and my mom was the battered woman with no choice. I have letters that she saved from when I was 9-13 that I would write her on the various times she would abandon us with different people after an abusive episode & in the letters I was consoling her, telling her how much I loved her, and that I understood why she did what she had to do. She didn't save my baby pictures, or any mementos of my accomplishments through out the years, but she saved those letters to feed her ego, and throw in my face that I supported her.
The moment I became a mother is when I opened my eyes to the real monster of my childhood. It was the moment I realized she had no motherly instinct, and no ability to love anyone, probably not even herself. Which breaks my heart for her.
Funny thing with the step-dad, after the car episode he went to AA & eventually became sober. He was still emotionally abusive, but the physical abuse stopped. Life was actually somewhat normal for a few years. That's when my mom decided to leave him for another man in another state, and abandoned us with our step-father. So, she can't claim the battered woman role of being afraid to leave & being a victim, too. She left when she could no longer control him, and he served no purpose to her. She knew exactly what she was doing.
