First Post ~ a little scarry

[Persevering7]

This is my first internet support I've ever posted so a little nervous and afraid of getting caught - although it's not really that funny- kinda terrfiying.  I've been married to a man with BPD for 27 years.  He has extreme rages and I've had plenty of practice running for my life (or at least that's how I perceive it).  I mostly got through it because my three kids were amazing, even as teenagers, and my focus was on them, and I kept him from raging on them (I hope!).  My last baby left for college in the Fall, so I'm finally coming out of denial with the help of a counselor and facing all of this overwhelming reality.  Denial was so much better.  I've been spending a lot of time sleeping in our empty apartment.  I have nobody to talk to about this, because most of my friends think I should divorce, even my counselor, and I'm not convinced that's what I should do. I can't talk to our close couple friends because I don't want them to lose respect for him.  He's pretty good at saving his outrageous behavior especially for me when we're alone.  He is a very high functioning BPD and owns a company with over 200 employees, so I have to protect his reputation.  He would probably never admit to BPD.  I've read just about every book available on BPD and they have been very helpful for me, giving me compassion, and it fits him to a tee.  I just feel I've hit rock bottom and not sure how much more I can endure.  I think just knowing there's someone else out there tonight going through a similar struggle may strangely comfort and give hope to keep persevering.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board.  You are in the right place to talk to others who can relate.  We get it here. 

You should be safe posting here if you are using a screen name no one will associate with you and if you log out and use a browser that clears your cookies.  You are not alone in that fear either.     Just be careful.

Denial was so much better.

Oh this made me smile.  I get it I really do... but it is too late isn't it?  It is not an easy path to choose change but it can be done.  No one here will tell you to leave but we can help you learn tools that can improve your situation and help you make choices as you go along. 

What sort of behaviors, in addition to rage, does your husband exhibit that makes you suspect BPD?  You mentioned that you have run for your life... can you tell us more about that?

In the meantime, check out this link that gives you a place to start in terms of reading material here:  HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE

I hope we hear more from you soon.  In the meantime, settle in and read and jump in and post in threads.  It is important to build a support network and like I said above, we get it here.

[Radcliff]

Let me join Harri in welcoming you.  You've found an outstanding place to get support, and learn coping tools that can make things better.  I came here with a 23-year marriage to a BPD partner.  Many of us understand the difficulties of long-term BPD relationships, and likely have faced things similar to what you are experiencing. 

Can you tell us a bit about his rages?  What triggers them, and how does he behave towards you when he is having one?

RC