This is hard

[stampingt1]

Hi,

I'm new to the BPD family. Our son was diagnosed a few weeks ago. Before that we knew something was wrong, but it was so hard to get medical professionals to help us on this journey.

We ordered 2 books last night, so that should be a good place to start. I would like to connect w/ other BPD parents, because if people aren't on this path they don't really understand what we are going through.

Thanks!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Stamping
I am glad to meet you although sorry about the circumstances. You have come to the right place. This is a very supportive group. I am the mother of a 24 yr old son with BPD and addiction. Can you tell us more about your child?

[wendydarling]

Hi stampingt1 Yes, This is hard  

I join FHLKC welcoming you to the family.    As FHLKC says you've come to the right place to connect with parents on similar paths, we get it. Really nice to see you reaching out and joining threads.  

I'm sorry to hear it was so hard to get medical professionals to help you. What's been happening with your son (how old is he?) to get you to the point of receiving a diagnosis, you say you knew something was wrong. Does your son accept he is struggling?

I'm glad you've joined us for support. It's good to talk and share.

What books have you chosen?

WDx

[livednlearned]

Hi stampingt1,

I wanted to join wendydarling and FHLKC in welcoming you 

It's encouraging that you finally got a proper diagnosis so you can move forward and start learning the specific communication and relationship skills to better support yourself, and him.

Does he have siblings? You mention there's a we, so I assume your husband? How fortunate that you are both reading and learning together.

How are you holding up?

[Mirsa]

Hi Stamping1,

Welcome.  Yes, it is hard.  Very hard.  It's also exhausting, isolating, infuriating, and traumatizing.  It's a rollercoaster of emotions, often conflicting emotions at the same time.  I hope you can take care of yourself, and when you are emotionally and physically exhausted, practice self-compassion and TLC.

This is a great place to vent, share, learn, and receive reassurance.  Hope you keep coming back.

[stampingt1]

Thanks for welcoming me!

Our only child is a son that is 18 yrs old. He started having health problems in the Spring of 2017. He has seen lots of different kinds of doctors in 3 cities. His psychiatrist specializes in migraines, so attributed most of his issues to that instead of digging deeper. Currently, he is being treated for complicated migraines, anxiety, BPD, & IBS w/ constipation. Due to all these health issues he missed his junior year of high school. He tried their online classes, but that only made him have more anger. He has always been an honor roll student. He is trying to take all the classes needed to graduate this year. The first 2 trimesters went pretty well, but he has only attended school 10 days since Christmas break. The school is working with us, so that helps.

Almost evening night, he has a meltdown...doesn't feel a connection to things, feels like the doctors aren't doing enough to help him, & has lots of rage. It's just so heartbreaking.

I think that things are headed in the right direction:  1. He started stomach meds last night & has an EGD w/ colonoscopy scheduled for May.  2. He completed an intake for a BPD program at an out of town hospital that is well known for their DBT approach. However it's a 22 week program that meets for 2 hrs once a week. Including travel times that's 6 hours out of the day!  3. He will be seeing his counselor now on a weekly basis. The counselor didn't have a clue what was really going on at home...the meltdowns until my hubby filled him in last week. 4. I found myself a new counselor. My previous one retired & haven't been able to find a new one that I connect with.

I cry a lot because I never thought that we would be on this type of journey. It just seems like it's never ending & quite the roller coaster. I'm starting to get invites to graduation parties for his classmates. I know that I should be happy for them, but at the same time my heart aches for our son so much. I haven't told many people, because most just don't understand. I was told "Tell him to go to school or kick him out of the house." What?  Yes, he's technically an adult, but doesn't have a job & suffers from mental illness plus all the other things. I know she meant well, but I wanted to say unkind things to her! 

The books that we ordered haven't arrived yet. They are the "walking on eggshells" one & another one that is advertising on the home page. Sorry that I can't be more specific.

[StressedOutDaily]

stampingt1 -

I haven't read walking on eggshells yet, but I did purchase "Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents, 2nd Edition: What To Do When Your Teen Has BPD: A Complete Guide for Families" by Blaise A. Aguirre

I found it very insightful

[livednlearned]

Loving Someone with BPD by Shari Manning is also excellent.

[wendydarling]

Hi stampingt1

Hugs to you, it is heart breaking     It does sound you're on the right track, meds, EDG and DBT, physical and mental health together. I hope your son feels some relief from the stomach meds soon.

Almost evening night, he has a meltdown...doesn't feel a connection to things, feels like the doctors aren't doing enough to help him, & has lots of rage.

That's exhausting, how do you respond when he meltsdown, rages? When you say he doesn't feel a connection to things, is he disassociating?

Loving Someone with BPD by Shari Manning is also excellent.

It is LnL, it was the first book I related to, gave me comfort early days when I needed it most.

Small steps, things can get better.

WDx

[stampingt1]

Update...

Today our son didn't have any "episodes"! Baby steps!  However, he hasn't been to school this week & only went 1 1/4 days last week. He missed his therapist appointment last week due to a "melt down", but will go tomorrow.

I'm half way thru "eggshells" book. I'm starting to like it more now, because I feel I'm getting to the "nuts & bolts" part.

My son sweat threw his clothes 1 day last week & had a "meltdown". (He was wearing shorts &
an under armour short sleeved shirt. Think it might have been 50 degrees outside that day.) Does anyone else have experience w/ this? Hubby has ordered all different kinds of deodorants. I'm wondering if this is an anxiety side effect.

I misunderstood when my hubby said that the STEPPS program starts...it's June instead of April! 

Thanks for all the welcoming posts.

 

[livednlearned]

I have a child on the spectrum (high-functioning autism or what used to be called Asperger's) and he sweats profusely too (S17). His odor is different when he sweats from social anxiety which is pretty much any time he's around people. For medical reasons, he's been out of school since December and he does have body odor but not nearly what happens when he feels social anxiety.

We went to see a dermatologist to discuss solutions. Some people get botox (!) of all things because it can paralyze the parasympathetic nerves that lead to sweating. But it's too expensive and S17 doesn't want a needle in his armpit. There is also a pill but it has side effects that S17 was worried about (me too).

I just learned that there is something new coming out in the U.S.:

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-stop-sweating-1832815107

From the article:

If you’re a frequent pit-sweater, the FDA recently approved the very first prescription method that’ll address your sweating. It’s a medicated cloth towelette used daily that will reduce an underarm sweating problem by blocking neurotransmitters in sweat glands.

We also tried a prescription strength deodorant that seemed to work for a while but S17 has some sensory issues and felt there was a slight stinging. I tried the deodorant myself and didn't notice it so it could be that the "itchiness" or "stinging" is not something that everyone notices. A dermatologist prescribed the deodorant ...

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ViMum]

Hi stampingt1
This is a really hard time and I’m sending lots of strength to you all. I also have a son who’s 21 now with BPD and anxiety.
I found some informative YouTube videos by MedCircle, Dr Ramani Durvasula if you’re wanting to know more about the disorder. It sounds like you have found some sound practical strategies which will be invaluable. Key will be finding and setting personal boundaries for yourselves and allowing yourselves to have a break sometimes and look after yourselves without feeling guilty.
I know your son is also probably feeling scared and many things. It’s heartbreaking to see our child struggle so.
Things can get better and it can take time and you’re right in celebrating the baby steps.
My son says that DBT is really helpful. Re sweating, he only sweated profusely when on a particular medication so it can be a side effect but unsure if this is the case for your son?
The people in this forum are really supportive and knowledgeable so it’s great you found it and are reaching out.
Love and light.

[stampingt1]

@livednlearned:  When DS complains of his entire outfit being soaked, I really don't smell anything. Thanks for the info on the wipes. Hubby had researched those. My son is trying something different tonight.

@ViMum: Thanks for the video recommendations. I will take a look at those. Unfortunately, I don't think the sweating is due to medication.

Stampingt1