Faking Homelessness

[Rock Chick]

I'm wondering how my bfs malignant BPD etc mother can live with herself or rather thinks its ok to repeatdly pretends to be a homeless person and steals a bed at shelters, steals food at shelter from homeless people etc. She has an apartment of her own. She never has to worry about if she will have enough to pay rent because  its taken care of by state n payee. After bills are paid she has plenty of money left over for additional food besides what a food card covers. She has enough for clothes, bingo, life necessities, etc. Is this a common thing with BPD or where does this come from. It's not like she doesn't get to socialize either because she socialize at places like bingo, at stores and at interact. Sorry just venting and curious if ppl have experienced stuff like this with pd in their life no matter if its a parent with a pd or spouse or whomever.

[Harri]

I haven't heard of examples that include staying in a homeless shelter but I do see a sense of entitlement and a blindness to the needs of others in some pwBPD.

My ex roommate claimed she was homeless (technically she was but only after she attacked her boyfriends niece with a knife after causing a lot of conflict).  She claimed to be a victim of DV but she was the one beating the crap out of her boyfriend.  She came to me saying she left with the clothes on her back... not true, she came with plenty of clothes, shoes, bath products, etc.  She claimed she had nobody and I was the only one willing to help her but she called a bunch of people who all stepped up and brought her food (she had plenty here from me), clothes (she had enough), money (she had none but had no bills or costs living with me at the beginning and used the cash she got to get her nails done, buy booze and cigs and junk food).   She had friends from the state she moved here from sending her money via western union too.   

She was on food stamps and I found out later she was selling them (she would meet a friend at the store and they would give her the cash in exchange).   She would deliberately cut her hours at work when it was the window used by food stamps (SNAP) and medicaid to determine eligibility for benefits.

I see it now as an extreme selfishness and entitlement.  Thge sad part is that she did not have to lie to me about any of this.  I would have taken her in anyway.  The even sadder part is that I did not pay attention to what I was seeing right before my eyes. 

[Rock Chick]

I haven't heard of examples that include staying in a homeless shelter but I do see a sense of entitlement and a blindness to the needs of others in some pwBPD.

Yeah. I thought about it after I posted I did think maybe one part of it was an entitlement issue but also there had to be something else and I wondered if it was purely a borderline trait or if it was some other personality disorder or mental health issue or something comorbid. She is the type of person if something is there and it's free she's going to take it just because it's free rather she needs it or not. But she's also the type of person who say you're at the grocery store and it has a Subway in it she'll go into a Subway and just take napkins, ketchup packets, a cup n fill with ice, etc thats there for paying customers just because its there and nobody's there to tell her not to. This has actually got her in trouble once at a local restaurant where she would literally rather she was a customer or not she would go where they have the napkins and she would literally take a foot high or more stack of napkins just cuz they were there. She wouldn't need all those napkins the food was not that messy but just because they're there she took them I guess. And after a few visits the store associates caught on to this and they told her that if she tries that again  she takes more than 5 napkins that they would ban her and they would call the cops. They told her those napkins are for paying customers and even if you're a paying customer you're not to take that many because if every customer did that then they would go out of business or they have to raise their prices on everything. She also knows when she goes down to the homeless shelter to eat the food or stay at the homeless shelter and sleep in a bed etc. She knows that she's taking it away from another person who's actually homeless. She is even acknowledge this and we've told her that it's wrong and that it's taking away from a homeless person that could be even a little kid.

She was on food stamps and I found out later she was selling them (she would meet a friend at the store and they would give her the cash in exchange). 

 

My boyfriend's malignant BPD Etc mother who is also on food stamps has the history of selling her food stamps, trading stamps for say booze or ride to gas station to get cigarettes and buying the food taking it home and then later giving it to anyone and everyone.

[Harri]

Yeah. I thought about it after I posted I did think maybe one part of it was an entitlement issue but also there had to be something else and I wondered if it was purely a borderline trait or if it was some other personality disorder or mental health issue or something comorbid.

I think there are plenty of people who will do these things who do not have BPD or even any disorder.  It definitely is not a trait specific to pwBPD but I can see where it can happen.  This sort of behavior fits with a lot of things as do most of the behaviors of BPD.

The napkins  thing is just so weird to me.  My mom used to steal cookies from the casino buffets and even from the complimentary 'high roller lounges' she would get in after gambling a lot.   At least cookies are yummy.  <---- sarcasm.  Napkins though?

[Turkish]

When my mother had a Traveler- like family staying with her,  the eldest boy,  13, told me,  "grandma [my mom] and my mom [actually his sister but 29] said that the general store was giving out free samples and that they were taking all of us to go eat lunch." That pisses me off.  The owner was a good friend of mine. 

My mom also took advatage of church food banks.  At one time,  she had run up $700 worth of credit at my buddy's store. Small town. He did that.  He got taken advatage of a lot.  They cut my mom off by that point and she slowly paid it down.  I was pissed due to a feeling of family honor.  She got government cheese and potatoes when I was a teen,  but that's the government. 

I apologize if I missed an update, but you and her son moved far away and out of her place, yes?

[Rock Chick]

I apologize if I missed an update, but you and her son moved far away and out of her place, yes?

After they were at previous apartment he told her that she could stay with him at new (now current apartment) for one year. That in that time she must be to find herself a place of her own with or without his help to find a place. If she didnt find a place within that time that was on her, she have to live with consequences and he would not be renewing the lease with her. Well she waited to last few months of lease and by then it was hard to find place and she ended up being homeless for 2 months living in house shelter. Then she got a place across town  and has been there ever since. She has more money now than she has ever had cuz she belongs to so many programs etc that pays for almost everything. I think it was a year or so in December that she got a place and my bf has stayed at apartment and has a new roommate. Her BPD, other mental  n physical health issues, drinking, etc has gotten worse n worse. She treats my bf worse too. So yeah sorry for not updating but there is just of it.

[Rock Chick]

Napkins though?

Yup napkins. Its odd i know. But she steals n takes lots of things.

[BLOOMood]

I’m intrigued by your post because my undiagnosed BPD MIL is often mistaken for a homeless person because of her general appearance. I know that times that we have arrived to a restaurant to meet her she often has free food that they gavd her and they look shocked when we arrive to sit with her. I’ve always assumed that mental issues cause her to have poor hygiene but I’ve always wondered why she dresses how she does. I’ve never thought about the fact that it could be something that she gets attention for- free food given to her at restaurants, etc  She wears the same thing every time I’ve seen her ( in the nearly 7 years since I’ve known her) -mismatched patterned shirt and skirt and a head scarf that makes her look like a beggar in a movie set in medieval times. I really don’t mean to be insensitive but it’s the only thing I can compare it to because I’ve never seen anyone dress this way. We have given her clothing and I know that my SIL has often tried to give her nice clothing but she throws a fit and refuses to wear it.  She also won’t brush her hair or take care of personal hygiene but has been taking about getting her hair done since the day I met her. We set an appointment for her with a very compassionate stylist who was willing to put her as the last appointment of the night so she didn’t have to be embarrassed, since she has mats and who knows what going on under her head scarf, but she threw a fit and refused to go to the appointment. She basically told us that the stylist wasn’t up to her standards.

[Turkish]

I got many upsetting phone calls and feedback from people in her small community about my mother,  one from a lady in a lock church my mom had started attending.  As if I could fix things.  I knew I couldn't but still felt a little guilty, like I needed to do something.  The perception that you may be a bad or neglectful kid sucks.