Brand new to this type of help

[Peace63]

My beautiful, very bright daughter has BPD.  She is now about to graduate from college, which is awesome.  She moved back into my home about a year ago but is often gone with a new boyfriend. In high school, our interactions became so bad, with her threatening to kill me, or herself on numerous occasions. She was abusing drugs after having been raped several times. I ended up having her taken to a residential therapeutic facility for a year and a half.
Now, after several years of being home and doing well at school. Our behavior pattern is back without the constant threats of violence from her but extreme anger towards me.  There is so much more but I am so tired.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Peace
I am sorry for what you are going through. You are doing the right thing by reaching out for help. It must be so stressful for you. Are you in therapy for yourself as well?

[Peace63]

Yes, thank you! I am in therapy and it is so important. I am constantly coached to set boundaries, which I have started to do and it does cause her reactions to be a lot more intense. I am glad that I have gotten on this site.  Take good care.

[wendydarling]

Hi there Peace63 

I join FHLKC welcoming you to the family, I'm glad you found us and sorry what brings you here. I too was brand new to this kind of help, a forum, it's been life changing for me and others so I hope you stick around.

That is awesome your DD's about to graduate   

Peace I'm sorry this last year has been so challenging and exhausting for you since your DD moved back home and hope you turn the corner soon with the changes you're making.

I am constantly coached to set boundaries, which I have started to do and it does cause her reactions to be a lot more intense

this is great.  Members do mention reactions can  initially be more intense when clearly communicating boundaries. What are your most recent communications to your DD?
Here's a great workshop resource on 1.07 | Boundaries and Values Is your DD receiving any treatment/therapy at this time?

What else is happening in your world, are you able to take time out to self care?

Welcome again Peace.

WDx

[livednlearned]

Hi Peace,

I wanted to join wendydarling and FHKLC in welcoming you to the site. I have a T who constantly coaches me with boundaries, too. Sometimes I feel I can only do this with a T in the wings feeding me lines  altho lately I notice I'm trusting my instincts more and more.

I'm the step parent to uBPD SD22 and I tend to get more covert aggression and shadowy behaviors from SD22. I also seem to be a constant target for one-down maneuvers that have escalated over time as I neglected boundaries.

What is your daughter's plan now that she has graduated? Is she planning on moving in with her boyfriend? I find it much easier to implement the specific relationship and communication skills with SD22 when she is not living with us.

Is there a particular issue that's top of mind for you? Sometimes it helps to focus on one thing at a time, even if it's just coming here for validation that this is really hard stuff.

[stampingt1]

Peace 63,

Welcome! It's so awesome that your D is graduating from college. My son is struggling to graduate from high school.

Good for you for seeing a therapist & setting boundaries w/ your daughter!

Stampingt1