So i might have had a stroke from all the stress

[radoe]

Living in a home with BPD spouse, a depressed 15-year-old with anxiety disorder, and a 9-year-old with ADHD and Asperger’s spectrum disorder

Presents the opportunity for me to interpret a lot of stress, which I do, I hand as much over to God as possible, but alas I'm human.

the ER said probably ischemic stroke, I only have unsymmetrical facial features about 5 days later.

My family cannot change their behavior, I will not discard them.
It is just that mortality sucks I probably will not live to see the change.

I know others are in my shoes.
How do you (yes how do YOU do it)
stay positive, motivated, kind, patient, loving and passionate to you spouse?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Red5]

I know others are in my shoes.
How do you (yes how do YOU do it)
stay positive, motivated, kind, patient, loving and passionate to you spouse?

Hello radoe!

man, so sorry… try to take care of yourself man…

I've read a few volumes about how living in a high conflict environment, eg' marriage relationship, over time will negatively effect our health… *hypertension (heart attack), *sleep disorders, *irritable stomach/bowels, *ptsd/cptsd, *headaches, *irreversible emotional damage to psyche, *and… stroke…, even cancer.

I think you've told me your age… I'm fifty three myself… and I know all of the above to be quite true.

Its a heavy "ruck sack" we all are carrying my friend… we have to take care of ourselves, have to find repite somewhere, somehow…

hang in there rodoe!

Red5

[itsmeSnap]

Hey radoe

How do you (yes how do YOU do it)
stay positive, motivated, kind, patient [...]

I'm not married to a BPD, though my dad most certainly has it and I had to live with him for a very long time.

I had/have anxiety episodes from time to time, had to go to the er a few time because I thought my chest was about to explode and I couldn't breathe, though its been less and less intense, I still have them, most recently yesterday night. The one thing that works for me is to think "whatever happens, I'm ok with it".

It is just that mortality sucks I probably will not live to see the change.

Totally unrelated, but that line reminded me of something that came to my mind a few days ago.

I am here because of the struggles and successes of the people that walked the family tree before me. I do not know them, never met them, never will. And yet they are with me. I am their future, their hopes realized, their struggle's recompense. I have a life, and a good one at that thanks to them.

The future is a lot of time, and so was the past. We're here for a little while, and then we hand it off to the next batch of people. I'll enjoy the fruits of my ancestors labor in this tiny moment I get here, and I will put my own little pebble in the mountain of their efforts, and the next branch of the tree will grow taller and stronger than it ever has.

I am part of that tree, and generations to come (hopefully   ) will be on this good earth (or maybe some other new world, who knows  ) because of what I did, who I was. They will never meet me, and yet I will be with them, and all my struggles will have been worth it.

And so will yours.

Stay hopeful Radoe

[Red5]

radoe,

I’ve depended on this a whole lot for about three months now.

I spent quite a lot of time in Japan when I was in the Marines...

I’ve found myself listening to this for hours on end lately... so here I share my friend:

 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FrdPsi8aP4w

Red5

[loyalwife]

Radoe,
   I hope that you continue to feel healthier. Yes, living with a pwBPD is stressful, and effects our health and well being. Are you on meds now for HP? A stroke is scary and definitely a sign to change.
   My blood pressure soared to 177 one night, headaches followed. I've been on meds for awhile, but the 'pressure' is still there. Like you, I love this person, but he's killing me, slowly. As a mom, I know you want to be there for your kids. All of the ideas that others here have suggested are all wise.

How do you (yes how do YOU do it)
stay positive, motivated, kind, patient, loving and passionate to you spouse?

You have to come first. To get through this, you can't put yourself on the back burner. You've got kids with special needs, they need you in one piece. Your husband is a big boy (although he may not display that at times). Focus...on you. Your kids will benefit from this.

I've had to stop taking care of my husband especially when he is in an episode. Instead, I focus on my needs, food sleep, yoga and (tap dancing). I let him starve or sleep on the concrete if he so wishes. That is his choice. Take the power away from him and reclaim it for your own.

You have one life, here. Your kids really need you. Live it for them, if you can't think of yourself yet. Who cares if your husband has a tantrum if you aren't paying enough attention to him. This is about your life.

So, in a nutshell, my answer to you is: I take care of myself, and let him deal with his craziness in the fashion he wants to, and I disconnect.

Keep coming back to this forum, read, engage and let go. You aren't alone.

[FJM]

Uff man, so sorry bro.
Mine left me with all my hair WHITE (and im 30 years old) and i was complaining.
Hope you can get things back together.

Cheers.