Can I Share my Procrastination Problem with You?

[WhatJustHappened?]

Hi everyone,

Happy Passover and Easter weekend. I'm having a problem with procrastination which is causing a lot of guilt and shame.

This is one of the few forurms that I trust and was hoping I could share my issue with you for some advice.

Would that be okay?

[Harri]

Go for it!

[WhatJustHappened?]

I was laid off at the beginning of the year which means I've been on a job search. I'm usually right on top of job searches but not this time.

I'm finding that it's hard for me to stay consistent on my search and that when I start to slack, I get into an ugly mental loop which then causes me to do even less and makes it twice as hard to get back to work finding a new job. It's horrible!

Days turn into weeks of little activity and which is in part fed by "I haven't done enough which means that I'm a total loser and that it is too late for me because I should have been doing more all along" loop. In short, I spend more time beating myself up then actual job searching. I stare at my desk and computer and just want to hide in my bed. So instead of being motivated by knowing that time is of the essence, it just causes me to go into this self-destruct mode and not do anything at all. It's silly I know and I can't even believe that I'm writing this.

The same thing is happening with my gym routine. I used to go fairly regularly but ever since this little beauty, I haven't been in a month.

If I had a magic pill, I would just shut off the past (what I have and haven't done in my job search efforts) and just move forward. I am sane enough to know that ruminating and continuing this doom loop (with a good helping of guilt and shame) will not make anything better.

I don't know what the heck is going on but I know that I need to change this and quickly! Any advice?

Thanks for reading!

[Harri]

Hi.  I moved your post here as I think it will get better responses. 

Now to state what may be obvious, it sounds like depression.  What else, if anything is going on?  Looking for a job is stressful enough though.

Can you commit to going to the gym at least 3 days a week?  You may not feel like it, but if you force yourself to go and actually exercise, it will help.  By changing our behaviors, our thoughts will often follow. 

What actions can you commit to taking?

[hope2727]

Yup sounds like depression however try tasking. Break it into teeny tiny tasks. Then do the first one. I have an old nasty foreclosure home  that I bought and live in. It is seriously in need of EVERYTHING! So I get overwhelmed. I have limited money energy and time. So I use tasking. Today I swept along the wall I have to repair. Then I had a snack. Then I moved the shelf away from the wall. Then I looked at FB. Then I took the ugly vertical venetian blind down. Then I put on a movie. Then I decided to wash... you get the point. Every teeny tiny task done is one step closer. I am allowed to quit at any time. I am currently waiting for the drywall mud to cure so I can sand and picking out a movie to watch. I may continue, I may not. The whole project was WAY to overwhelming for me so I broke it down. Each tiny success lead to another. Try it. Seriously its weird but it works.

[sweetheart]

hope2727, I found myself smiling broadly reading your response. I’ve never come across anybody else who works in that way. I do exactly the same thing with most things in my life. If I don’t I feel overwhelmed and trapped, as though I can’t move.

It’s proved to be a very effective strategy, that and also accepting that actually life sucks a lot of the time and things can be really hard. 

Whatjusthappened be kind to yourself, if you need a break, and you can’t face the job search, let yourself off the hook.
Being laid off is tough, hard on your self-esteem, especially if you’re feeling down anyway.

Maybe start really small, say 15 minutes, then do something you really enjoy, like listening to your favourite piece of music. Then go again, another 15 minutes, then have a cup of tea and a biscuit.
Set perhaps the morning or an afternoon aside, not a whole day.
If you can’t face the gym, could you go for a walk with friends, or a swim.

[hope2727]

And in case anyone cares I managed to just get the primer on and now I am off to bed. Two coats of paint in the morning and said wall is done. It is only one of many to be fixed but it is the one I took on as my task for this weekend.

[WhatJustHappened?]

Hi.  I moved your post here as I think it will get better responses.  

Now to state what may be obvious, it sounds like depression.  What else, if anything is going on?  Looking for a job is stressful enough though.

Can you commit to going to the gym at least 3 days a week?  You may not feel like it, but if you force yourself to go and actually exercise, it will help.  By changing our behaviors, our thoughts will often follow.  

What actions can you commit to taking?

I do have depression and anxiety issues and take medications for those conditions. I was thinking the same thing too but I don't feel depressed or at least in the sense that I'm used to. Do you think uping my meds may help? At least temporarily?

Yes. I can commit to that. And yes, I always feel better after exercising. I have been hiking with my MeetUp friends which helps too.

My two biggest actions that I can commit to include "just do something job search related everyday" for starters. The second is break bigger tasks down into smaller, more actionable items (I like that idea posted below) and tracking them on a list.

When I look at it logically. I know I am telling myself distorted thoughts. I can say, "hey, wait a minute. I've done a ton of LinkedIn networking which has produced some good results." So I know that I am doing something. I think I may need to go back to my cognitive distortions tracking.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop the rumination of "I've not done enough/I've waited too long/there's little hope"? Again, logically, who cares what I did and didn't do in the past as that won't help the situation at hand.

Thank you so much for your help. Writing and reading your responses makes a BIG difference. You guys are the best.

[sweetheart]

A really simple CBT strategy I use with my son who has autism and OCD and has a tendency to ruminate and obsesses over things in a way that hurt him emotionally, is to tell him to say, or think 'STOP' and visualise flicking the rumination away, and then replace it with an immediate positive memory, or affirmation(like 'I am in charge of my thoughts today and I choose the power of positive thinking). You can use whatever you want.
Then just keep repeating as necessary. It helps to use the same affirmation or image each time

It's proved incredibly effective for my son, I use it myself when I feel anxious.
You can vary the affirmation according to the rumination.

I always remember watching one of my son's ballet classes, and one of the exercises they do is to go up on their toes with their arms raised above the head with their eyes closed. They have to hold this position for one minute. The teacher said, if you feel yourself wobble, because sometimes you will, just tell yourself gently to STOP and you will. Keep telling yourself to STOP every time that wobble appears. Eventually you won't wobble anymore.
My son and I call it 'brain training.' 

[WhatJustHappened?]

A really simple CBT strategy I use with my son who has autism and OCD and has a tendency to ruminate and obsesses over things in a way that hurt him emotionally, is to tell him to say, or think 'STOP' and visualise flicking the rumination away, and then replace it with an immediate positive memory, or affirmation(like 'I am in charge of my thoughts today and I choose the power of positive thinking). You can use whatever you want.
Then just keep repeating as necessary. It helps to use the same affirmation or image each time

It's proved incredibly effective for my son, I use it myself when I feel anxious.
You can vary the affirmation according to the rumination.

I always remember watching one of my son's ballet classes, and one of the exercises they do is to go up on their toes with their arms raised above the head with their eyes closed. They have to hold this position for one minute. The teacher said, if you feel yourself wobble, because sometimes you will, just tell yourself gently to STOP and you will. Keep telling yourself to STOP every time that wobble appears. Eventually you won't wobble anymore.
My son and I call it 'brain training.' 

That's helpful, thanks for the suggestion.

[Harri]

Hi again.

Everyone here is really giving great ideas and suggestions.   I am going to be using them too as I have depression and anxiety that has been affecting me more than usual lately.  I too am putting off doing things that need to be done.  I can actually feel myself burying my head in the sand ... well, okay, not literally but I think you can get my gist!

About increasing your meds... I can't say really.  I would not do it without talking with your physician as those meds can be dangerous to mess around with.

I do think depression and anxiety may change in how they look.  I know now my depression is different than before.  It is more of an apathy, a total lack of motivation or interest in things that I know are good for me.  Part of it may be because of winter, so I am hoping things will improve for me.  In the meantime though, I am going to focus on one thing at a time and breaking big tasks into smaller parts like recommended above.  I also find that telling myself to "just do it" helps with some things.   A bit of tough love for myself there.  Similar to the STOP method talked about here.

Another thing I will recommend for you is to keep reaching out here.  You took a pretty long break from posting and that is fine, but getting more frequent support and tapping into the collective wisdom of this group can help in ways you might not realize.

[Harri]

I just remembered!

You might want to take a look at this link:  Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking - Burns MD
Our thoughts can get twisted around a bit and there are ways to untwist them as well:  Ten Ways to Untwist Your Thinking   

See what you think!

[JNChell]

Hey there, WJH. You’re getting some great feedback here. I can relate to you on the procrastination thing. I agree with the majority here. It’s depression. The bright side is, is that it can be overcome and managed. I’ve begun working out again and it’s made a world of difference. My confidence is much healthier since I’ve started back up.

For me personally, the only way to beat those ruminations is to just “do”. Just do what you know is logical and right for you. I know that it’s easier said than done when we’re in a rut, but it takes strength and grit to muscle through these times. You’ve got this.

Along with working out 3 times a week, pick 3 job openings a week and apply for them. As you’re sending your resume or filling out an online application, rehearse what you might say during the interview.

Keep us posted.

[WhatJustHappened?]

Hi again.

Everyone here is really giving great ideas and suggestions.   I am going to be using them too as I have depression and anxiety that has been affecting me more than usual lately.  I too am putting off doing things that need to be done.  I can actually feel myself burying my head in the sand ... well, okay, not literally but I think you can get my gist!

About increasing your meds... I can't say really.  I would not do it without talking with your physician as those meds can be dangerous to mess around with.

I do think depression and anxiety may change in how they look.  I know now my depression is different than before.  It is more of an apathy, a total lack of motivation or interest in things that I know are good for me.  Part of it may be because of winter, so I am hoping things will improve for me.  In the meantime though, I am going to focus on one thing at a time and breaking big tasks into smaller parts like recommended above.  I also find that telling myself to "just do it" helps with some things.    A bit of tough love for myself there.  Similar to the STOP method talked about here.

Another thing I will recommend for you is to keep reaching out here.  You took a pretty long break from posting and that is fine, but getting more frequent support and tapping into the collective wisdom of this group can help in ways you might not realize.

Agreed! Thanks so much Harri for the help.

[WhatJustHappened?]

Hey there, WJH. You’re getting some great feedback here. I can relate to you on the procrastination thing. I agree with the majority here. It’s depression. The bright side is, is that it can be overcome and managed. I’ve begun working out again and it’s made a world of difference. My confidence is much healthier since I’ve started back up.

For me personally, the only way to beat those ruminations is to just “do”. Just do what you know is logical and right for you. I know that it’s easier said than done when we’re in a rut, but it takes strength and grit to muscle through these times. You’ve got this.

Along with working out 3 times a week, pick 3 job openings a week and apply for them. As you’re sending your resume or filling out an online application, rehearse what you might say during the interview.

Keep us posted.

Thanks much! You know, I'm not much of a job boards person. I usually find them to deep, dark black holes but I understand what you're saying. I use social media to network which actually has produced good results. Just need to do more. The workout part is important too.

[JNChell]

The workout part is important. I feel like we didn’t meet you where you needed to be met with what you’re struggling with.  Underneath the things that you think you should do right now, how are you really feeling?

[WhatJustHappened?]

The workout part is important. I feel like we didn’t meet you where you needed to be met with what you’re struggling with.  Underneath the things that you think you should do right now, how are you really feeling?

Very true, I'm feeling a lot of either shame or guilt about what you just said. Lots of "should" statements running through my mind. I just need to move forward and wipe the slate clean as ruminating won't help at this point.

I am feeling that I'm holding on to too much of regret, guilt, and shame for not doing many things sooner. This is my biggest concern as it creeps into many aspects of my life.

Thanks for asking.

[GaGrl]

Sorry I'm coming in a bit late here...

The first question that occurred to me was,

 "How committed are you to the work you do? How does it fulfill you (or not)?"

Do you have a feeling of " here we go -- one more time, with feelung) Or can you envision yourself doing the work and feeling good about it?

I recently retired after a 40+ year career in training, talent development, career coaching and counseling. I haven't done much in my first four months of retirement because, honestly, I don't know which direction I want to pursue next as well-defined work.

If you need to consider your next path, you might want to consult a career coach.

[WhatJustHappened?]

Sorry I'm coming in a bit late here...

The first question that occurred to me was,

 "How committed are you to the work you do? How does it fulfill you (or not)?"

Do you have a feeling of " here we go -- one more time, with feelung) Or can you envision yourself doing the work and feeling good about it?

I recently retired after a 40+ year career in training, talent development, career coaching and counseling. I haven't done much in my first four months of retirement because, honestly, I don't know which direction I want to pursue next as well-defined work.

If you need to consider your next path, you might want to consult a career coach.

I like my work but I'm also working on a more entrpreneurial opportunity. As I get older, I find that we don't live in an older employee friendly world. But I need the money from a stable job until I see how my project shakes out.

Thanks for asking.

[JNChell]

Hey, WhatJustHappened. The things that you’re feeling suck, but rest easy on knowing that those feelings are normal. There is nothing wrong with you. Time helps for these feelings to lessen, true work will heal them. You found us, so I know that you’re headed down that path. I’m sorry that we didn’t meet you where you’re at. Please tell us where we should meet you. Give us a point of reference. Where are you and how can we help you as a friend would?