I feel terrible making her into a monster because she can be so kind and all she wants is to be loved and feel safe.
Being able to see her for the hurt lost person she is is step in the right direction. I am not saying it will excuse her behavior but it will help us look for more constructive ways to respond rather than react.
Now the guilt has set in. What if I was kinder and more gentle to her. What if I didn’t let how she treated people affect me so much. I watched her criticize the Portuguese and this silly ways. I watched her get angry and volatile when travelling didn’t go her way, but it wasn’t about me. I feel guilty that I was so triggered that I needed to ask for some space. I feel guilty for even trying to do this trip together. What was I thinking?
Feeling guilt can be helpful in terms of learning better ways to respond in the future. I do not however think you are guilty. You are human and respond and react in ways that have been molded for a long time. It will take time to change all of that. Asking for space is healthy and okay. You are not responsible for the way she reacted. No matter what is causing her to react the way she did she is responsible for it. All we can do is control ourself.
I feel that I need to do some learning on how to be non reactive with her. I did a good job last night when I just didn’t say anything back when she was yelling and carrying on about how ungrateful I am. I did well by not yelling mean things back at her because that doesn’t make it better I’ve learned.
I think you did a good job too. You did not make the situation worse by reacting and adding to the dysfunction! That is excellent and so very hard to do.
