15 yr old adopted daughter diagnosed with BPD yesterday

[Basia]

Hello everyone. This is my first post. Our adopted dtr (also our biological granddtr) was dianosed with BPD yesterday. I am a social qorker so i was already mentally prepared for this diagnosis. Emotionally i was not. Today i am grieving but resolute in my committment to her
 She is 15. We have been dealing with her escalating behaviors for the past 3 years. Before that she was a joy to parent. Perhaps that makes this even worse in some ways. We did not see it coming and for a couple of years thought that it might be just teen behavior that was more severe than normal. This past year however things got a lot worse. Last  September we had a visit by the police who informed us that our gdtr had been communicating with a pedo in scotland. She had sent a detailed report along with the guys IP address to Scotland Yard and they were investigating. The disturbing pary was that she had watched a vudeo of a child rape. She was interviewed and the file closed. Then in October she disclosed to her counsellor that her grandfather my hubby had gone into her room at 2 am and touched her butt under the covers. This had supposedly happened a year prior to her telling her counsellor. I wont go into what trauma that inflicted on the family but my hubby took a polygraph and was cleared. The police said that our gdtr was very believable and that they thought that she believed it had happened. Although i was very protective and did alk the right things i ended up believing that it did not happen. My husband moved back into the home at the end of dec and their relationship got back to how it was before in a month or so. Of course, although he still is very supportive of her it us hard for him to come to terms with what her statement did to him. I totally understand that. We are better prepared than most for the task ahead of us but it doesnt make it any less emotionally devastating. We believed we had saved her from a life frought with major difficulties (either with foster parents or her own mom). We got her when she was 2 1/2. Perhaps we did save her somewhat...it could have developed into something more severe maybe. I dont know. Its still too early to tell. We have a strong bond with her (at least on our part). She will be coming out of the hospital in a couple of weeks (she's in there bc of her first suicide attempt which was more a cry for help). We are hoping for the best in terms of getting her help (which we have already put in place). You just never know how things will work out do you? As for ourselves we will reach out for help as well. Most of our work will be navigating how we react to her in the future and how we navigate keeping her safe. Thanks for being here for us.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the site!  I am glad you found us and are reaching out for support.  We have parents on this board who really understand and will be able to at least listen as you work things out.  We also have several parents with adopted children posting as well.  

We believed we had saved her from a life frought with major difficulties (either with foster parents or her own mom).

You did save her and are now being supportive and loving parents by trying to get her help and help for yourself as well.

It is good that your daughter and husband were able to repair their relationship.  What a devastating thing to have to deal with.  How are you managing with everything?

As for ourselves we will reach out for help as well. Most of our work will be navigating how we react to her in the future and how we navigate keeping her safe.

Having your own support system is vital as I am sure you know.  We can help with strategies for communication and some troubleshooting techniques as well.  In the mean time, I hope you settle in and read and feel free to jump into other posts as that will help you as well.  

Again,