Visit with BPD D16 went EXTREMELY well . . . still maintaining caution

[Tazzer4000]

  Hi All!  Since I have posted so much on the negatives I thought I would update the positives as well.  Saw my BPD D16 on Saturday for the weekly 3 hour visitation.  After last week, I wasn't even sure I should go but I didn't give her any warning about not coming so I went telling myself that I can leave if things go as badly as the last 2 visits.  But I didn't have to leave.  In fact, the visit was amazing and I saw many small signs of possible progress.  Here's a quick list of positives that I experienced:

1.  She realized that asking me to go out to the gas station to get something was NOT something to simply expect me to do and could be really selfish. (Her verbalizing it is progress to me, even if she doesn't fully believe it).  Of course I was more than happy to do it because she didn't demand it and throw a fit when I refused.

2.  She verbalized that she is starting to understand that the entire context of any situation is important and that she has indeed been playing a part in the chaos.  Saying it will lead to really understanding it(I hope!).

3.  She told me how she felt, calmly, about something she thought I said.  It gave me the chance to let her know that was not what I meant and I could also validate her feelings about it.  Progress to me!

4.  She seems to be beginning to understand that her behaviors and choices are ultimately what landed her in juvenile detention.  Ever so slowly, but its better than where we were before.

5.  She admitted, without any prompting from me, that she has been trying to force me to leave my husband by getting him to hit her in rage.  She also said she realizes she needs to stop this behavior. (My husband is her biological father so this is very confusing and heartbreaking for both of us).
 
I know these are small steps but they are still steps in the right direction which is more progress than we've seen in the last 3 years even with all the therapy and hospitalizations.  I'm cautiously hopeful that if this continues while she's in detention, things will actually improve once she comes home.  My husband remains unconvinced, she's burned him a lot.  Hopefully this progress will continue and my husband will come around. Thanks to everyone here.  Without the support of people here, I'm not sure I would have been able to cope much longer.   

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Tazzer
That is all really amazing and awesome news. Your d is showing tremendous insight. Of course you are cautious. You know how quickly things can change and how important it is to prepare for that. Still today we celebrate 

[wendydarling]

Hi Tazzer 

Yes! This is wonderful news! A great step forward. Your daughter has clearly been working hard. I'm so happy for you Tazzer.

WDx

[Only Human]

I'm here to join the celebration!

I'm so happy for you all, Tazzer, you've worked hard and deserve this victory! It's baby steps and this visit was a big one. Way to go, validating her feelings  

Onward!

~ OH

[Lollypop]

Hi Tazzer

I’m so glad you posted! It’s really important to celebrate successes and there’s so much progress to be seen in your visit. You’re showing wisemind with your caution - it takes time to feel that your on some solid ground. You must be pleased as punch!

LP

[Swimmy55]

Wonderful progress!

[mamabolivia]

 Well done to the people working with your daughter! A huge thumbs up to her! And well done you for going, listening, validating and being! Congratulations all round!

[Tazzer4000]

Thanks for the excitement! I'm really glad she has made progress. I'll keep you all up to date after our next visit.

[Only Human]

Looking forward to your update, Tazzer!

Thank you again for sharing what's good - - it helps all of us to know that there is hope. Enjoy this time, Tazzer, you are doing great work here. As Tom Petty sings, "Lo-o-o-o-ve is a long, long road..." I'm thrilled you are including us in the journey   

~ OH