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Author Topic: Latest allegations  (Read 855 times)
SES
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« on: May 01, 2019, 01:29:24 AM »

I am now facing further allegations from my ex via CPS to my employer. Now the allegations are of domestic violence. The police aren't involved. My ex has a police caution (she admitted) DV against me at the start of my divorce. Due to the nature of my work my employer has to investigate. Ex had made numerous allegations about me over the past 5 years including to the police and CPS. CPS swallow it hook, line and sinker.  She made allegations about me to my last employer.  CPS have lied to my employer eg. stating that I have a a police caution, that I am financially abusing my ex (I don't have to pay her any money), that I stalked her boyfriend and made verbal tgreats toward him (I have never met him) , and that I made complaints about the judge in the custody case.

I know this will never end. The prospect of more of this over the years fills me with dread.
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formflier
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2019, 06:26:25 AM »


Can you reveal how CPS gets involved with your employer?  Are you a government person?  (I used to be)

What is the process like with your employer?  What is the timeline like?

Best,

FF
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Enabler
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living apart
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« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2019, 06:56:31 AM »

Hey SES,

Super sorry to hear about this. I know this situation doesn't warrant you calming down and asking you to do so is like asking you to sit down whilst you're on fire... but getting centred is going to be imperative to working this stuff out.

Secondly, and I know this again is tough one, try and empathise with the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS). They likely have little in the way of choice and they are very likely to take 'the information' they have at hand as just that... information. It's not their job to ascertain whether or not 'the information' represents 'facts' or 'fiction' but whether or not 'the information' represents a requirement to act. My guess is that your work is in a licensed or controlled position e.g. Teacher, Doctor, Nurse, Accountant, Solicitor, Banker. Especially a job where interaction with children is involved the CPS and your employer have NO CHOICE but to investigate. They are obliged to take both sides seriously. I know this is of little solace to you but I hope that it helps put things in perspective such that you will see the players in her game acting with the correct motivations. Other than your Ex, the other players are doing their jobs.

You have the choice to act as she might expect, or, do something differently. Ascertain 'the information' and 'the facts as you know them', seeking legal advice is prudent especially around what is and isn't okay with regards to co-operating with Police and CPS, no communication with your Ex OR her new partner. Document everything, past and present.

No, this isn't going away...

Enabler
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Panda39
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Relationship status: SO and I have been together 9 years and have just moved in together this summer.
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« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2019, 07:08:06 AM »

Hi SES,

Can you hear my eyes rolling across the Atlantic? 

I'm so sorry this stuff continues, I agree with Enabler everyone is likely doing what they should do but that is small consolation for you...who has to go through this again and again.

Other than this latest round of BS how are things going?  How are your kids doing?

Glad you popped in 
Panda39
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"Have you ever looked fear in the face and just said, I just don't care" -Pink
SES
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« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2019, 03:07:58 AM »

Hi, thanks.
It's child protection services, due to me being a government employee. My boss gave me some days off to write a statement. I have quite a bit of evidence, including emails from ex admitting making death threats, abusive text messages, records from the local DV service that supported me etc. I'm hoping my employer sees it for what it is. Child services (social services) make a number of false allegations... Including that I have a criminal record for harassment... Fortunately that is easy to prove wrong, as I subscribe to a government service that keeps a live record of my criminal past (it is blank).  I have found writing about this, and looking through recirds, to be traumatic. This is the second allegations made to me employer in less than a year. I changed employer following the last allegation (which were closed, no further action)
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Enabler
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living apart
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« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2019, 07:37:23 AM »

Sorry for the confusion re CPS... US vs UK I guess.

This sucks and is clearly an unnecessary process to go through... however, are you able to use this as a positive experience to 'bond' with your employer. They know you a little better now and possibly have a little bit more respect for the dignified way you're handling a tough situation.

It would be nice, if not hopeful that the more your ex wife attempts to make these claims, the closer it gets to the tables being turned and an easily provable harassment and false allegation claims charge being levied against her. 

It's soul destroying how easy it is to chuck mud at people nowadays, and there seems little in the way of recourse should the mud be established to be unfounded.

Enabler
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I Am Redeemed
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« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2019, 08:56:53 AM »

Hi SES,

You need an attorney experienced in dealing with CPS. I would document any and all communication with the social worker, and if they call a Child and Family Team Meeting, which they love to do, make sure your lawyer is present.

You absolutely need a good legal defense. CPS does not have to prove anything in court. They made false allegations against me and told the judge their investigation substantiated their own allegations, showing no proof at all, because there was none.

Lawyer. A good one, not one that tells you your only option is to "cooperate" with CPS. That's an option if the social worker has a genuine interest in the truth. Sounds like you're not dealing with that type.
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ForeverDad
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
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« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2019, 11:29:14 AM »

Most of us are here for those in our lives with acting-out PDs, generally Borderline Personality Disorder is the focus here.  However, other Cluster B disorders are also possible, perhaps multiple ones (co-morbid).  I'm here on this site but my ex has/had most of the Borderline traits, all the traits listed for Paranoid as well as some Narcissistic traits.

When I read posts where the members are facing continued challenges using multiple agencies, waging online defamation and trying to sabotage employment too, then I also recommend they research whether they're also facing Histrionic Personality Disorder.
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SES
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« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2019, 02:46:19 PM »

Thanks everyone.

I'm still under investigation.  It's stressful.

ForeverDad- I hadn't considered histrionic personality disorder...  there are traits.

Enabler- I'm in the UK. Fingers crossed this doesn't end my relationship with my employer.

Panda39- Thanks for your eye rolling... Sums it up nicely.

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clawingout

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« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2019, 08:30:06 PM »

hi SES, I'm based in the uk. I have had the social call me to say my ex has reported me for taking my 8 year old daughter to a boxing match late night while gambling and smoking etc were going on. it was my boxing pad workout class and my daughter sat on her tablet and was encouraged to join in if she wanted. the ex also reported that I had inappropriate behaviours with my daughter because when she stayed with me she didn't want to sleep in her own bed and wanted to sleep in mine. I have no problem with this as shes my daughter. the social also didn't have a problem with any of this. however going to court their letter stated that the social strongly advised against this. then changed what we were going into court for stating I wasn't spending enough time with her! now the ex has taken another OD and I am going back to court to get full custody. having to fight that she blams me for the OD and that shes much better now.  the social don't seem to share my concerns and as long as she isn't doing anything that moment they don't get involved.
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ForeverDad
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Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
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You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2019, 01:59:14 PM »

Concerning issues can be handled in two ways... (1)for immediate action and (2) as documentation to establish historical behavioral patterns.

I sometimes relate a hypothetical call to emergency services:  "Hello, my ex threatened to ____ last month, help!"  Response:  "It's no longer an emergency, call back promptly if an emergency happens again."
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